Listen » l.s

epilogue • after

I wake up screaming your name
all I can think of is you
your green eyes
your dimpled smile
your warm touch
home

You weren't there
but I kept calling
calling out for you
my head is clear now
it was selfish of me
to listen to you talk about
how you're going to
take away your life
now I have a chance to stop you

people
blurs
come running towards me
bright lights
needles
blind my vision
but I keep calling
and you kept drifting further
further
further
away

Where are you
Harry Styles?
where have you gone?
what have you done
to yourself
and to me?

Yes, you cheated
you lied
you betrayed
but it would be even more selfish of you
if you took your own life
if you let yourself go
and leave me alone

You were my sun
you lighted up my life
you were my boat
you kept me afloat
you were my heart
you kept me alive
you were
were

But now
now
you can be my moon
to show me the way
you can be my wind
to keep me moving forward
you can be my soul
to keep me living

Without you
what am I?
an empty glass
a lifeless body
a broken doll
a lost boy
but most of all
a shattered heart

You have to stay
no mater how much you hurt me
I rather hurt than die
I rather hurt than see you die
because if you died
I'll die

The nurses say they'll get you
but where are you?
you're probably
long gone
or worse
you're dead

I start to cry
I start to wail
I start to howl
I start to choke
your name

"C-call him!"
I beg
"p-please
let him be safe
I forgive
I forgive him!"

You don't come
for hours
and hours
I start to drift apart
I start to break into pieces
I start to tear myself apart

You're gone
you're gone
they said you're dead
but I know you're somewhere
please
you can't leave me
not now
not ever

Why did you have to cut yourself up?
why did you have to hurt yourself?
why did you have to shred your skin?
why did you have to bleed?
why did you have to let go?
why did you have to leap?
why did you have to fall?
why did you have to break?
why did you have to destroy yourself
shattering me in the process?
why did I let you do all that?

why did I listen to you talk about 
how you're going to...

I can't

It's all my fault
I realise
I should have woken up
I was so selfish
caught up in rage
in anger
in betrayal
in love

I'll find you
one day
Harry Styles
just you wait
I know you're out there
up there
somewhere

I take back all I said
all the horrible things
it was so selfish of me
maybe I deserve death too

I never noticed the emptiness
until you are gone
for good
I need to chase after you
go after you
die after you

You said you'll be happy if I'm happy
but I'm not
though I will be soon
I'll find you
even if it takes doing the same to my skin
as you did
I'll rip myself apart
drain all my tears
shred myself to ribbons
pull out all my strings
if that's all it takes
I'll do it
I'll do it for you

I'll see you soon
we can be broken together
we can be happily broken together
Love, Louis.