I Wanna Be Free, I Wanna Be Loved

Ch. 12: Secrets, Secrets.

RACHEL'S POV

I spent my lunch period kicking at my locker instead of eating. Slash had dropped out of school last year and usually came by at lunch to get me. We'd go to some crappy drive through then spend the rest of the hour in some parking lot exchanging body heat in the passenger seat. I slumped down against the dented piece of metal that was my locker and munched away at my turkey sandwich.

RYAN'S POV

Brendon was definitely flirting with Hannah and I didn't understand why it was pissing me off so much. I definitely liked her but I needed to stop because it would just complicate the hell out of everything in our lives. I really didn't want her to date some other guy because they all only cared about tits, ass, and sex. Hannah was very pretty and it was only a matter of time before one of said guys swiped her away from me. I had two options: claim her as my own or sit back and lose her. Both choices gave me a gut-wrenching pain but I knoew it would have to be the second choice. When lunch ended, I was going to walk Hannah to her Theater Arts class but she ran off with Brendon before I could say anything. I marched off to my photography class where the only friend I would have to see was Spencer. He was my best friend before Brendon and even though we were all really close, I considered Spencer more of an ally, especially because he didn't hit on my crush in front of me.

"Hey Ry. You look um..."

"I don't want to talk about it"

"You were really quiet during lunch. Wanna chill after school? We can go to the beach or something?"

"Nah" I replied.

I thought about it for a minute: I would have to go home and lock myself in my room so that I wouldn't have to see Hannah but I'd still think about her. She crept her way into my daydreams and my dreams at night too; I had it bad, so bad.

"You know what, Spence? We should hang"

"Cool, man. I'll see you after school"

I hadn't even noticed that class was over; I guess I had been wrapped up in more thoughts of Hannah. This really wasn't good, I needed to get over her; maybe I could date some random girl or hook her up with one of my friends...but then I would have to watch them be together. I was walking to study hall when I realized I had that class with her. I wasn't known for skipping class but I was going to make an exception today. I texted Spencer and asked if he wanted to ditch with me, he told me to meet him at his car. I threw all my school stuff in my locker, grabbed my homework, and ran out to the parking lot. I had to get out of here, had to get away her. I hopped in Spencer's car and he asked where we should go.

"Don't care, man. Just fuckin' drive"

He took my instruction and left the school parking lot. We ended up at some ice cream shop where I got a double scoop of chocolate-caramel in a waffle cone. I licked it nervously as Spencer paid for his.

"Bro, are you okay?" he asked.

"If I tell you something, will you swear on your drum kit not to repeat it?"

"Yeah, man"

"I...how do I put this...I have some feelings..."

"Wait you're not about to tell me you're gay are you?"

"What? No. You know that girl Hannah?"

"The smokin' blonde? Yeah..."

"Yeah her" I gulped "I...she's...oh god"

"I saw the way you were looking at her, and you were ready to kill Brendon when he gave her that dandellion"

"Spence, I don't know what it is about her. She's in my veins. I wouldn't be surprised if you cut my wrist open right now and I bled her name!"

"What are you gonna do?" he asked.

"Nothing"

"Nothing?"

"Dude, she lives in my house. It would be awkward if something went wrong!"

"I see your point. Listen man, I'll take you home. I have to get back to my place to babysit anyway"

Spencer drove me home and I thanked him for the ride before ducking inside. Brendon and my sister were sitting at the kitchen counter with their math books open; he must have been the tutor mom hired. They both looked up at me, Rachel glared while Brendon smiled. Hannah was probably in her room and I wasn't going to say hi to her because I needed to get over her. I went up to my room and started my homework; it was going to be a very long road to graduation.