I Wanna Be Free, I Wanna Be Loved

Ch. 3: The Error Of My Ways

I didn't work; I woke up in a hospital bed with an IV hooked up to my arm and bandages around my wrists. Linda was sitting in the chair opposite my bed and when she saw that my eyes were open, she rushed to my side.

"Hannah, what on earth were you thinking!"

"I want to die" I stated "I want it al to end, I want to be with my parents!"

"Oh dear, we need to get you counseling"

"What I need is to be dead!" I huffed.

"Hannah, listen to yourself! You need help; someone needs to get you through this. I'm not saying it will be easy but you need to talk about your feelings and emotions"

"I think you should leave now" I told her.

"Okay, but I'll be back to pick you up in a few days" Linda said "So we can talk about options for your living situation"

"What?"

"We'll talk about this later, just relax" she said before squeezing my hand and walking away.

I listened to the beeps of all the medical technology around me. There was a window at the front of my room that looked upon the hallways of the hospital, the same place where my mother had died just the day before. I pushed a button on the console of my bed and it automatically closed the curtain on the window. I thought about the fat that I wouldn't have a home to go back to when I got out of here, I'd have to go back to the hotel and get carted off to live with some distant relative that didn't need me or want me. I found the remote to the TV that was mounted to the wall and channel surfed before some nurse came in and gave me a bunch of pills. I took then and she left; I fell asleep after one of them kicked in.

A few days later I was cleared to leave with Linda, who accompanied me back to the hotel. We sat down on "my" bed where she took a file from her briefcase. She removed paper after paper, looking at each of them disapprovingly. I wanted to know what they said as she kept sorting through them.

"Well Hannah" she began "Now begins the task of finding a place for you to live"

I simply nodded at her in agreement. My closest relatives were Aunt Gemima and her husband Earl; they lived out in the middle of nowhere on a farm with their two country hick children and a flock of cows. There was no way in hell I was going to live there and I wished I was old enought o just live on my own.

"Hannah, do you really want to live with any of your extended family?" Linda asked and I shook my head no "Well you might like your next option"

Linda finally handed me one of the papers and it had a photo attached to it of a family who looked kind of familiar.

"See the woman?" Linda pointed to the mom in the photo. She had long brown hair and a sweet smile; the photo was date-stamped 1996 so this was awhile ago. "That's your god mother and was one of your mom's best friends. In your mother's will, it states that should anything happen to your paretns, Genevive Ross and her family would be more than obliged to let you live with them. She has two children, Rachel and Ryan. They're only a few months older than you and I'm sure they'll like having another sibling"

"Wait, would I get like...adopted, or am I just a foster kid?" I looked up from the photo.

"Foster child, you're past the legal age of adoption"

"Where do they live?" I asked.

"San Diego, California" she told me "Personally I would kill to get out of Idaho, so if I were you I'd take this offer"

"I think I'll do it" I said pulling at one of the bandages on my wrist, they were very itchy.

"You'll still be required to attending counseling and such but maybe the sunshine will be good therapy too" she smiled "I'll go call them right now"

Linda stepped out of the room and I looked back at the photo; the kids were young in it and from the looks of it they were twins, but hopefully not the creepy kind that dressed alike and finished each other's sentences. When Linda came back, she looked pleased and I assued the call had gone well and I would be moving soon. I spend a few more days in Boise saying goodbye to friends and getting my school records transfered. On the morning of my move, Linda took me to the airport and told me to call her when I landed. This would be my first plane ride ever, and I was more scared than excited. Ever since my parents died, things had a way of scaring me easily. When I took my seat, I was pretty calm and I relaxed through the entire flight with my iPod and my copy of "Catcher In The Rye"