Broken Without You

Chapter 18

The songs for this chapter are:
"To be alone"- Hozier
" prisoner-" The Weeknd ft. Lana del Rey (!!)
" burning desire"- Lana Del Rey

You bring good to my lonely life, honestly. Its hard for me to look into your eyes, when I say that I would be nothing without your love. I feel the rush and it's amazing. Maybe I've been always destined, to end up in this place, yeah. Cause all I know, all I know, I'm a prisoner to my addiction. I'm a prisoner to my decisions.

"It happened while you were away. They met at the party where he got signed, they were dancing and talking and well, they just really got along" Neymar explains quietly, eyeing the rearview mirrors as he changes lanes.
"He never meant to hurt you, (y/n)."
You snort, wiping away the tears, and folding your arms, you look out the window. "Too late."
"You cant blame him, you guys hardly had any contact while you were away" he blurts out.
"HE WAS ALWAYS AT PRACTICE AND I WAS ALWAYS AT SCHOOL!" Neymar jumps at the sudden yelling. "WE SAID WE WOULD WAIT, HE OBVIOUSLY COULDN'T." You let out a small sob of pain, you expected this thing from Neymar, not the sweet brown eyed boy from the coffee shop.
Neymar hesitantly places his tan hand over yours, and you let him, the warmth calming your hectic nerves.
"Where are we going?" You hiccup, finally done with the tears.
"Cantina 10" he says casually.
"Im not drinking and neither are you" you state.
"Chill, its a new mexican restaurant that just opened up, I know the owners, so i thought we'd go check it out" he explains.
"Sounds fake but ok" you pout.
He laughs, "quit being a cranky butt" he frowns. "I havent seen you in six months and you're already annoying me" he jokes. You punch his arm weakly raising your fists. "Fight me."
He rolls his eyes, "i doubt you're at your strongest right now to be fighting grown men."
"You're scared of me" you say as the beautiful white and fancy looking restaurant comes into view. The inside is much nicer, if it were possible, with long white tables and crystal chandeliers adorning the main hall. A tan and short guy with a nice butt comes into view, a grin on his face as soon as he spots Ney.
"JONA!!! MEU HERMANO!" Neymar shouts, and the two laugh and hug.
"Que haces aqui, Neymar??! What is the occasion for this honor?" Jona smiles, eyeing neymars grasp on your hand.
"No, no, Ive been wanting to come and congratulate you on the opening for awhile now. Oh this is (y/n), shes an um friend of mine " he stammers. Releasing Neymars hand you shake Jonas, who seems very nice, and seats you with Neymar at a cozy booth, clearly not buying the 'um friend' story.
You both order the chefs special, and after small talk, the food arrives.
"This is amazing!" You say, taking another bite of the delicious enchilada. Neymar sips his wine, smiling innocently as you give him a look. Jona comes by, offering some homemade guacamoleee. You take some, laughing at his story on how he nutmegged Neymar once, and made him cry.
"hijo de!!" He trails off, denying any unmanly tears that might have escaped him.
"He kept saying rematch, brazileno tonto!" jona continues teasing.
They finally set up an extreme game night of fifa 16, the only way to settle an argument nowadays.
Jona leaves after that, leaving you and Neymar to talk.
"He liked you" he says, stealing some of your guacamole. "I did too, he was very nice" you smile. "I think he liked you more than that" he says casually wiping his face with his napkin.
"Porfavor!!" You roll your eyes. "You're so beautiful and you don't even know" his voice softens, blinking with those torturous hazel eyes. "I think you drank too much wine" you brush off his compliment. "Why don't you accept my love, (y/n)?" He asks suddenly. Your spoon falls with a clatter. Blushing you retrieve it, unable to hold his powerful stare. "You never did, even when you weren't that serious with my brother. Am I that revolting?" He looks down at his hands, fiddling with his expensive watch.
"Oh my god, of course not! Are you dumb? You're... you're you. I couldn't hate you even if i tried with every might" you admit. Neymar raises his eyebrow, food long forgotten. "Then why close any opportunity for us to happen?" "Because! Because you're the most beautiful man ive ever laid eyes on, and you make me want to do crazy things and be crazy and that scares me and a dream like that never ends well, i know what type of boy you are Neymar" you finish. "And what type of boy am I, exactly?"
" A fuckboy" you state, sipping his wine.
He takes a long look at you, and bursts out laughing, he laughs so hard he holds his stomach, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. You smile, and then chuckle and finally laugh along with him.
"First of all, I am a virgin." He begins. Coughing on your spaghetti, you chug some water, taking a deep breath.
"Second, what is life without a little risk?"
"And finally, if you weren't attracted to the danger," he leans in close his face inches away, "we wouldnt be here now would we?" He smirks.
"Dont deny yourself happiness, ever." He adds, motioning for the bill. After dinner, you end up agreeing to go to his house. The drive home is thoughtful. You think about his words, and it makes you mad at how well they fit. Your whole life, you've played by the rules, listened to everyone with some type of authority, kept from trying out for something out of fear. Keeping a perfect life, has always been a reasonable goal to have, but not taking risks, that was a mistake. "You okay?" Neymar asks. "Im having an epiphany here" you close your eyes. "Hmmm, i see" he says, his smile clear in his voice. You get out of the car and enter his house, rubbing your temples. "Of what?" He asks. "Rules and whatnot" you say, finally opening your eyes. You both plop down on the couch, he removes his jacket. "And what was the conclusion?" He wonders, eyeing your troubled face. "They are meant to destroy happiness" you gulp. Taking his face in your hands you press your lips against his, your hands soft against his recently shaved face. He responds eagerly kissing you back, his fingers instantly in your hair pulling and grasping and screaming want. You let go of the kiss to breathe, but he pulls you back in, like he always does. It is liberating to finally admit how much you care for the boy in your arms, denying it has only made it much more powerful and passionate, the forbidden feeling intensifying every kiss, every intimate touch. Every lingering stare, every innocent word exchanged, has built up to this storm of denial that had kept you, like he said, from being happy.
You fall back against the couch, his pink lips searching for yours in the darkness, igniting every feeling in your body, and you press him closer to you. It is clear how much lust is now in the room, a thick cloud has gathered above your heads since the first day you met, gathering momentum ever since, and is now showering you both intensely. For the first time, you allow the risks, you allow yourself to be happy, trusting him, reveling in the trust, breathing a last breath as it is over, falling asleep with him across your body, unable to comprehend the feelings coursing through you, nor what has just happened. Brushing his hair away from his sleeping face, you leave the thinking for another day.