Queen of Chaos

Game.

My eyes feel wider as I stare around amazed at the world and how blessed I am to have lived in it for three whole years. I want to look at everything, listen to everything and touch everything. Moma and I are at the super market and I smile, smile, smile at everyone; secretly I pray to the clouds and sky for someone to ask me my favorite question. No one does. Instead they glance at my black eye, at the bruises lining my mother’s wrists and the timidity in her walk.

But I still smile, smile, smile, hoping someone will ask me how old I am. Then I can giggle my childish giggle and hold up three of my fingers. Because then they will think I am smart. They will coo over how adorable I am and Moma always stresses my importance in our little game. At three everything is a game and everything is innocent and pure, beautiful and fun. We walk up to the fruit stand and I gurgle at the man with the funny hair lining his lip. He gives me a kind smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and pinches my cheeks. 

With a single chubby arm I reach up and tug his mustache, the coarse hair strange in my fingers. The man laughs and glances at my mother who is smiling at me. I smile back. The curvature of her lips hypnotizes me and I try to memorize this moment. But then I glance back at the man, bat my eyelashes and the image is gone, gone, gone. “I am tree years old!” He didn’t ask, but I want, need him to know. He smiles again, pats me on the head and suddenly my hand is in my mother’s. 

The day at the market exhausts me and my cheeks are sore from grinning so much. On the way home Moma shows me the contents of her pockets and I show her the prizes I have as well. She gives me a smile that looks like it needs a bandaid and tastes like vinegar on my tongue; but I still smile back. Because we have won the game. There is no one chasing us, no men in blue outfits screaming after us. We continue home, Moma and I attached by swinging arms and the world is good. The world is great. All because we won the game and our bellies shall be full tonight.