Queen of Chaos

Billy.

“Ace. Get up.” I sit up, my eyes searching for my brother so I can kiss him, hug him. Instead I am caught staring into cold grey eyes that peer deep into my soul. “Get. Up.” The guy with white blonde hair and a blooming bruise annunciates every syllable. I want to punch him. But I don’t because he may be rude, but he didn’t throw me off the train while I slept. Slowly, I swing my legs over the side of the cot and groggily start putting on my boots. 

“Look at me, girl.” I don’t want to but I do; I meet those eyes the color of a storming sky and hold them. The pain in his eyes mirrors my own and I want to look away; I don’t want to feel a connection with him. “You still look like a girl.” He starts rubbing his dirty hands on my face and I flinch away. He grasps my chin, growls at me and continues scrubbing dirt onto my face. Then he roughly shoves some wild tendrils up into my cap. 

Anxiously, I notice that we are the only two in the car. His hand is lingering on my chin and he turns my head from one side to the other. “Why weren’t dressed in a dress, like a lady?” My mind struggles to understand the word “lady” and an image is coughed up of a woman in a poofy, stiff dress with a painted face. I snap my chin from his calloused hand and glance down at my baggy shirt and patched up pants.

“We didn’t have enough money for dresses.” His eyes lose some of their iciness and I return my gaze to my bootlaces. Hands shaking I struggle to tie the boots, boots, boots. “Where is Tommy?” My voice is husky from sleep and I clear my throat. The guy makes a rude scoffing noise and again I have the desire to punch him. 

“Looking for your boyfriend are ya?” He scoffs again and releases a sharp, harsh bark of laughter. I am proud of myself when my cheeks don’t color themselves red, red, red. “He is a pretty important guy, your boyfriend.” The word important is spoken with the same tone one uses to say the word adultery or murder. “He is up having a secret meeting with the ring leader.” Something in me sinks and I pinch myself to keep from caring that Tommy isn’t here. “So I am stuck babysitting you.” 

For some innate reason my eyes are drawn to the bruise on his chin, the bruise that is the color of rotten blackberries. “Admiring your work?” He roughly scrubs at the bruise and I shake my head slowly. “You got me pretty good. You are lucky I don’t hit girls, Ace or else I would make you bleed.” Nervously I pray he doesn’t forget that I am a girl.

“I-I-I…” inhale, exhale, inhale, “I am sorry.” He scoffs at my apology and I tug my cap farther down onto my head. “I was scared,” I whisper the word soundlessly beneath my breathe two more times. Suddenly, he grasps my upper arms and I am paralyzed with fear. This is it. This is when he effortlessly tosses me from the train like a bag of trash, tosses me like the stray that I am. He lifts me and I open my mouth to scream. Then he sets me down on the ground.  

“Come on. We have a lot of work to do.” He starts towards the back of the train, basically stepping effortlessly from car to car. Enviously I watch his smooth, long gait, his strong legs carrying him nearly effortlessly from one step to the next. I on the other hand am stuck nearly jogging behind him, slowed by the hesitation I take when jumping to the next car. Finally he stops and I run headlong into his strong, wide back. Then I hear a low growl that sends a shiver down my spine.

Shaking slightly I grasp his arm tightly and glance over his shoulder towards the dark corner of the car. “Hahah easy there killer.” He shakes my hand from his arm and slides open the car door, letting sunlight stream in. Within the cage is a huge lion, its bared fangs glistening with drool. My head knocks against the ground as I fall heavy to the floor. “Whoa,” he kneels beneath me and gingerly lifts my head, “are you alright?” My eyes are widened in terror as I glance past him to the pacing, wild beast. 

Forcefully I pull my head from his hands and stand. “Fine.” Behind the snarling lion is a small lion cub, its eyes slowly opening sleepily. I approach the cage, my hand shakily out in front of me. Slowly, I press my hand between the bars and feel the hot breath of the lion on my palm. Eyes slammed shut, I gently scratch the lion’s nose and listen as the snarls stop. Then it begins to purr and rub against my palm. When I glance behind me the guy is watching me wide eyed, his arm outstretched as if he was going to pull me away, but then froze. 

“W-w-w-w-we never touch him…” My eyes widen amazed and I glance at the lion purring and rubbing against my palm. The guy clears his throat and comes to stand beside me. “See the cub’s mother died shortly after she gave birth and ever since then, the lion won’t let anyone touch him or the cub. So we have to put sleeping pills in his meat and then feed the cub.” The guy looks at the lion almost affectionately and whispers, “Isn’t that right, Sam.”

“How does the cage open?” He pulls a set of keys from his pocket and hesitantly unlocks the cage. My body shaking with nerves and excitement I slip into the cage. It clangs shut behind me and I jump. The lion stalks towards me and rests its huge head against mine. Its warm breathe blows the cap from my head and my shoulder length hair slides around my face. I bury both of my hands into its thick mane of hair and then close my eyes. 

“Do you want to feed him?” His dark grey eyes are watching me intently and I suddenly feel exposed in front of him. I nod and he pulls a giant bag from the corner of the room. The lion growls ferociously as the guy hands me a huge piece of meat through the bars of the cage. Sam calms down as the guy backs away from the cage and I carefully hand him the meat. He takes it and retreats to the back corner of the cage. 

The cub comes forward and yawns right in front of me, then it bats at the toe of my boot. A smile stretches across my face, feeling odd as unused muscles are stretched and worked. The hay crinkles beneath me as I sit and stare at the golden eyed lion cub. “Here.” The guy hands me a bottle through the bars and I take it, the smile still plastered on my face. Clumsily, the cub crawls into my lap and paws up at the bottle in my hand. My eyes watch the reclining lion closely as I scoop up the cub and gently feed it from the bottle.

“You are really good with animals.” I shrug off his compliment and scratch behind the cubs ears. The guy clears his throat and scratches the back of his head. “We have about twenty more cages, so hurry it up.” Sleepy eyes blink up at me as the cub finishes the bottle and then snuggles closer. “Come on, Ace. We gotta keep moving.” Carefully I rest the sleeping lion cub on a pile of hay and creep out of the cage. New respect gleams in the guy’s darkened grey eyes and he offers me his hand.

“I am Billy by the way.” We shake hands and then I put my cap back on, tucking my hair up into it as we continue on through the train. The work is hard and I feel the burn in my arms, but still a smile remains stretched across my lips.