The 4th Subject

Chapter 32: Not the Same

The break was nice. Until it wasn't. I was right about one thing: this wasn't exactly the vacation I thought it was going to be.

I did get to spend a lot of time with my family. The heat of Florida was something I didn't expect to miss, but the beaches in the gulf were so much different than the California coast. My parents spent a lot of time just existing with me, almost as if they knew all what I was going through.

Did they know most of it? Yes. They watched the videos, my vlogs, kept up to date on my socials, and of course spoke to me every minute they were available. But there were still a few things I chose not to tell them. I should've told them about the emotional and mental toll I'd been facing, but they were already so worried about me as is. Who was I to pile one more thing on top? Besides, they could tell things were off with me. Even my friends noticed I was acting weird. Well, weirder than normal.

"Earth to Sarah?" Leanne's voice pierced my brain.

"Sorry, I was just—"

"Lost in space again, we know."

Her words bit me. I knew that things weren't the way we planned for it to be, but I had kinda hoped she'd be a little more forgiving given my situation.

"Well, now that astronaut Sarah is back, we ready to walk?" Elijah joked.

I chuckled lightly and nodded. We stood from our seats in the restaurant and entered the mall it was attached to. Walking off lunch was exactly what I needed.

"Do you think you'll ever be up for the concert?" Leanne said bluntly as we exited a dress shop.

"Leanne, I've said this before." I started. "I'd love to go, I just don't know if that'd be the best idea. The fog machines, the laser light show with prominent red lights, the dark room full of strangers, it's all just..."

"Too much. I know."

Did she? This was the third time she'd mentioned it. Maybe I was being weird, but I felt like I shouldn't have to tell her so many times.

We entered a record store next. The three of us browsed the selection with intention. We were very into our music, and finding it was usually pretty hard.

"Why is this H.E.R. album over here?" Leanne eventually muttered. "The H's are on your side."

She tried handing it to me to put in the correct place, but I froze as Elijah spoke.

"Sarah, The Insyderz are over here!"

Usually I'd be ecstatic that one of my favorite bands actually had a vinyl, but something felt off.

"Where is it?" I asked, walking around the counter. He was standing at the second divider. H for H.E.R., I for the Insyderz...

Without a word, I placed the H.E.R. album back where Leanne got it and stepped back.

"Hey, I was looking there." She snapped, but I simply nudged her out of the way so I could see all seven dividers. H.E.R., Insyderz, Stephen Sanchez, ABBA, Rare Occasions, Aurora, and The Happy Fits.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" Elijah asked.

"What's the first letter of all these artists?" I mumbled, anxiety spiking.

"H, I, S, A, R...wait."

The buzz of a Blackberry phone activated my fight or flight mode. The latter specifically. My eyes went wide as I bolted out of the shop. I paused for a moment. My friends rushed out behind me.

"What?" Leanne snapped.

"We gotta get out of here."

"Sarah!" I heard a young voice call from my right. A girl about 12 was approaching us. Her innocent eyes locked onto mine. How could I run out and leave a fan hanging?