"What About..." (MJ Fantasy)

Guilt

I can feel my heart beating through my chest and it is starting to hurt. I hold my chest, still sitting on the couch. I cant think of how long it has been since Michael was kneeling in front of me, but it's been a while. I take a deep breath so I can calm my aching heart.

You are a liar and I DO NOT TRUST YOU.

It stings to hear his words again, remembering his tone, his expression, the disappointment in his voice. Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion. Maybe I have been too hard on him about my career and having kids, and the way he has been acting. Maybe he hasnt been that bad, but I have been the one who just wants to pick with him. One of the worst feelings is having someone you care about say they dont trust you. Especially your husband. I dont blame him, though. I wouldnt trust me either. Ive been acting shady. I deserve to get the silent treatment.

It still hurts.

I ascend the steps, praying I do not run into him again tonight, and I walk to our bedroom. I peek through the cracked door to see if he is inside, but the bed is empty. I know I saw him come up here. I open the door all the way and the room really is empty. I turn and walk down the hall, quietly, so I can see if he is sleeping in another bedroom. I open the door of the bedroom next to ours and look inside. It is also empty. I close the door back and look down the steps. Maybe he left.

I walk down the steps and walk around the empty house. One of his maids walks past me.

"Do you know where Michael went?" I ask, stopping her.

She shakes her head. "I havent seen him for an hour." She says, walking to the laundry room.

I walk into the kitchen and Kenny is eating a Roman Burger.

"Hey Boss Lady. You doin okay?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Have you seen him?" I ask, looking down.

"He went to the dance studio fifteen minutes ago. He was just pacing back and forth in here before that." He says, taking another bite of his burger.

I look up at him. "Pacing? Did he say anything?" I ask.

"He was mumbling to himself. I couldnt really hear him, plus I put my headphones on after ten minutes." He says.

I frown at him.

"What? He said I have the rest of the day off so I dont have to listen to any of you." He says, throwing his wrappers away.

"Okay." I say, getting up.

"Did he find out about you-know-what?" He asks, drinking his pop.

I shake my head. "No. Thank God." I say, walking down the steps to the dance studio.

I hear music blasting as I descend the steps. I decide not to walk all the way down the steps because I dont want him to see me. I peek my head around the corner and see him dancing and sweating, watching himself in the mirror. He stops dancing and lays on the ground, breathing heavily. I leave and go back into the kitchen. Kenny has left, probably out drinking, and I fix myself a salad. I eat slowly and think about how I can possibly correct this situation. You cant just ask for forgiveness when someone says that they dont trust you. This is going to take some doing.

I hear footsteps and I tense up. Is that Michael? I hear a door close and when I look up its his chef.

She smiles at me. "Hello Mrs. Jackson. I was just out getting groceries, you didnt have to fix anything, I could have prepared you something." She says, setting the groceries down.

"Oh no its fine. I just wanted a salad." I say, picking up one of the bags she set on the counter. "I can help you put these away." I say.

"Its not necessary." She says.