Christmas is fast approaching, as you can tell by my writing, typing, words, whatever you shall call it.. Never eventful is currently happening. Which is nice, but I always worry that seas may not stay calm for long, usually a storm is looming or not. Something is usually looming anyway.
I had another dream about Scott last night, I know I shouldn't dwell on the past but it might be nice to check back on some romance, well even if it is imaginary.
I had another strange dream, when I say strange, a sex dream. I have them a lot now, but this one was the more realistic and best one I've had in a long time.
I was stood in a lift dressed in a black evening dress with a dashing looking suited fellow. I pressed the stop button on the control panel. The lift came to a halt.
"Hurry up and get it in me." I said impatiently, not bearing to wait any longer to tear his pants off.
You can guess what happened next so I'd save the graphic details, as they are quite blurry anyway.
But it felt so utterly amazingly good.
Yet as I awoke I surprised how kinky and commanding I was in my dream. Whilst in reality I wouldn't behave in this way at all, also if anybody acted this way towards me I'd probably scream 'RAPE!!' Until somebody saved me from the traumatic experience.
I was so sassy and confident, whilst in reality whenever I tried to act in that way it would result in awkward laughter then me losing control of my muscles. It's sort of like I have a super feisty fearless alter ego, who doesn't care less about the consequences and doesn't take any shit from anyone. Maybe that is my true self, but for myself to be that way freely was another story. I wouldn't want to be a heartless woman who gave it to anyone. It made my alter ego self seem desperate but she got it anyway, with persuasion of course.
A week later, I turned eighteen. I thought it would have felt a lot more exciting, since everyone but me made it seem like a big deal. Yes I could now legally drink, drive a car and play the lottery. But I couldn't do those things anyway, except for the lottery. Also my mum told me that I had a 'live' birthday presents and I was texting Ivy the night before wondering if it was a puppy or a handsome stranger trapped in a gift box.
A thought flickered to mind, maybe it was Penny. But luckily I didn't set my hopes too much on that, it was tickets to see a musical that I had been wanting to see since I was in fourteen years old. It was odd; it didn't feel like my birthday at all. Yes I had the presents and stuff to remind me, but it didn't feel special from any other day. Overall it was a nice day; I went for a meal with my friends from college and went to see a Disney movie which was full of magic and music. The sort of film most eighteen years wouldn't go see on their birthday, but I was different.
The following week, I finished college for Christmas. I went for a Christmas meal with my friends from college, yet again.
Ivy tall laughed, "There's two adults here now!"
She looked me; I smiled sadly, "No! I don't want to be an adult!!"
Earlier that day, I came to a realisation about something. It wasn't set in stone, but it was there.
The last few months it has slowly occurred on me that there maybe someone new in the picture. It could be one of those things again where I say 'oh I like him and I think he likes me.' Then it ends with me walking into a big wall of rejection.
So that's why I'm not going to get my hopes up like I have done countless times before. Scott, he's out of the picture, Cain, I hardly see him and don't bother anymore. Alan, haven't seen him since the summer but I do think about him now and then, probably because he was the first guy I dated, so that's to be expected.
Lena's new little brother was born a day before Christmas Eve. She had moaned about not wanting anything to do with the baby and her mum's new fiancé. But now that the baby had arrived, she hadn't been happier.
"I wasn't expecting him to be so beautiful." She gushed as she shown me the images of the baby on her phone. Baby Thomas was born in the early hours of the morning. It was exciting to something new happening.
A few days later I visited Lena and saw her new baby brother, I watched Lena and her younger brother Jay nursed him like it was their own. It was odd to see her be so nurturing and naturally motherly. But I wasn't surprise, as I knew she would come round.
"Do you want to hold him?" She asked.
My eyes widened, my mum always made jokes that if I ever had a baby I would probably drop it due to my cataplexy. Even without cataplexy I felt I wasn't trusted.
"Oh... Are you sure?" I asked sounding uncertain.
Lena's mum nodded, "Go on Audrey."
I sat down quickly as I was passed the baby in my arms; I looked down wondering if Thomas was okay. He was so small, his tiny fingernails, tiny nose, ears, feet. He was so fragile and new. He also just had his bottle and I worried if he was going to be sick or worse choke on any remaining milk, or choke on his sick! But he didn't. I was prepared to do baby CPR, well what I could remember.
"Is he okay? I think he needs to sit up more..." I said worriedly.
"No he's fine." Jay reassured.
I smiled in disbelief, "Oh wow he's not crying at all. I thought he would have as soon as you passed him to me."
I admitted, "I've never held a baby before."
"Really? You're a natural!" Lena's mum beamed.
Lena walked down the stairs ready to go out; I passed the baby back to Jay.
"Lee! I didn't drop him!" I said proudly.
The New Year arrived in a flash. In the past I used to go to my Uncle's house for a New Years Eve party with the rest of my extended family. But ever since they moved out, it had been two years without a party to celebrate the New Year.
I watched the TV with my sisters and parents, we watched the News as clips of countries that had already brought in the new year. Australia and Hong Kong always got there first.
"Look at all these people celebrating my birthday!" Penny joked, as it was her birthday on New Years Day.
I went to bed at half eleven which was extremely stupid, as I was about to fall asleep I was awoken by a bright flash from my window and an endless parade of fireworks.
"Shut up!" I mumbled as I awoke in a grouchy mood.
YOU ARE READING
FEELS: The College Diaries
Non-Fiction'I had to work ten times as hard as everyone else... And that was just trying to seem as normal as everyone else.' FEELS. Audrey has A LOT of them. Audrey was never always a normal girl, she daydreamed of time traveling aliens to take her away and w...
