"If I didn't know any better..." this rattles my soul, stomach dropping in surprise and my breathing hitches. With eyes lowered, I see both his hands resting against the counter top, basically jailing me between himself and the cold marble. On top of that, I can feel his body heat radiating off of him and right onto my back (either that, or that's him pressing up just slightly against me). "I'd think you're avoiding me."
With much hesitation, I shrug my shoulders, lowering the glass into the sink. "I've been busy."
"Too busy to even spare me a glance?"
"Too busy to stop and have conversations, yes."
"I know you." He backs up just enough to grab hold of my waist, flip me round until I'm facing him, and then place his hands back on each side of me, lowering his heigh so he's partially accommodating mine. "I know you enough to know you're lying right now."
I guarantee he can hear my heart pounding against my chest, painfully so. His eyes, though dilated, remain hooded, narrowed almost, as he watches me carefully. I don't know if he's trying to figure me out, read through a facade I'm not too sure I'm even putting up.
Which makes sense, considering, yes, I have been avoiding him. So much so that I've made sure to close my windows properly lately, just to ensure he doesn't creep in and surprise me. Much like today, right now.
I left my window open because I deep cleaned my bathroom. The scent of heavy Domestos forced that decision. It had to be done, leaving the window open the whole day, since I found myself having dizzy spells when the scent started overwhelming me.
"I'm not—"
"Don't do it again." He shakes his head now, and the strands of his dark hair dance along with his movements. "Why are you avoiding me?"
"There's just been... a lot of things happening. I guess just work, and tryna focus on myself more and... yeah. Guess I didn't find that much desire to want to speak."
"Am I undesirable?" He chuckles, tilting his head.
"No." I scoff. "We haven't spoken— you know, addressed us. And our history. I think it's just a burden I've been carrying, and I was waiting for the perfect time to speak about it. Kind of." He raises an eyebrow. "We slept together."
"We did."
"Was it right?" I mumble, lowering my gaze to his beige brown T-shirt. "Considering everything. And I mean everything, Micah. You having a mate—"
"It's complic—"
"It's always been, hasn't it?" I chuckle. This time, I fold my arms over my chest, raising my shoulders yet again for a moment. "There's never been a time where it was not, has there? You would know, since She showed you everything. Has there ever been a version of us where, throughout it all, it wasn't complicated? Or did we find ourselves in the same loop continuously, fighting the inevitable in hopes that maybe that time, in that version, in that loop, it would work out?"
He is silent. So silent, he blinks down at my feet momentarily, and then glances to the side. His Adam's apple bobs once, then I hear him sigh deeply.
"I don't want to have to go through it again."
"You want to give up on us?"
"Us? There's no us, Micah. There is no end to it. Something crazy ends up happening, and then we're back to square one. I don't want to step in between you and your mate, for what could be the hundredth, if not millionth time. How many more days, months or even years are we letting pass us by, chasing something we both know we can't have?"
