When Will My Life Begin (Phan AU)

Life is hard

Phil

I was six (and a half) when my mum took me to the Howells house. She had been friends with them for years and every so often we'd go over and visit or they'd come to ours. We went over to say goodbye as they were moving across the country.

I ended up in their living room, playing with their two year old son, Daniel, as our mums talked. I would build him a tower and he would knock it down and sit and laugh at me with a huge grin on my face. When it was time to go I picked him up to hug him and kissed him on the forehead as our mums cooed at us "being cute".

My mum had explained that I might not see Dan again but I wondered if that was true. I would miss playing with him. He was funny when he tried to say my name. It sounded like "pill" rather than Phil. I was sure if Dan was older we'd be best friends. I didn't really have a best friend. I had friends sure. But not a best friend.

I was 12 when I started to wonder if maybe my soulmate wouldn't be a girl. I wasn't gay.  But boys were cute too. I had started to notice that I had feelings for boys and girls and I was fine with that. I hoped that my family would be as accepting for me as I had been for myself. But I couldn't tell my friends. They wouldn't like that. I had heard the comments that they had made about an older boy who had just come out as gay and I didn't want to be on the receiving end of that. So I kept my secret.

I was 14 when I came out to my family as bisexual. They were very accepting and that helped. But I still couldn't tell my friends. I was just waiting for my tattoo to appear. I wanted to find my soulmate and not worry about if it was a boy or a girl. But I couldn't just find new friends. There wasn't really anyone else who would hang out with me and I wasn't being the loner that I had been when I was younger.

I was 15 when the rumours (and the bullying) started. The names were thrown around like nothing. Gay, fag, weirdo, freak, you name it I was probably called it. I didn't tell my parents at first. I didn't want to worry them for nothing.

But bruises are harder to explain away than being upset.  They started to beat me up. So I moved school. New school, new friends, fresh start. Well, apart from the new friends part. I didn't really fit in. I was tall and thin. I was quiet. They didn't ignore me but outdid of school I didn't really exist to them. And I just felt alone. I just wanted a friend. Just one. Was that too much to ask?

An: poor Phil!! This will get happier. Probably..... Any way, I have a few recommendations
Anything but ordinary by MariahLino
Read my lips by troyeswild
Icy inferno by TroylerToujours
Misfit by MelancholyMango
Please comment and vote.
Goodbye for now!!