More Than Just a Memory

Chapter 8

I kept my promise.

Literally every second that we could spend together, we did. That's not to say we didn't hang out with our other friends as well. We went to see a couple new movies in town, and Tori and the rest of the band came along. We tried a bunch of new restaurants and cafés, the majority of which were God-awful. We saw the Sydney Opera, went on a safari through the outback, I got to hold a koala, and, per Cal's request, we went to a pet store simply to play with all of the puppies that were there. One night, Calum made a surprise visit at Tori and I's apartment at 1:30 in the morning just so that the two of us could lay on the beach and look at the stars. That night, I sat in the sand, burying my toes in the warmth and leaning back on my hands, head thrown back to the cosmos. Calum was stretched out on his side, facing me, tangling his fingers lightly in my curls. There was only one day left before 5 Seconds of Summer kicked off their new tour, but I devoted all of my mental will-power to any subject besides the inevitable. Calum didn't make it much easier when he spoke up after a good half an hour or so of silence.

"You know that feeling that you get when you are really excited for something, but you know that with whatever that thing is, something bad is going to come out of it, too?" he asked.

"I wasn't familiar with it before, but I am now," I sighed.

"Liv, look at me," Calum instructed. He sat up as I did, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Please don't hate me. Please don't be mad at me, or the band, or the fans, or any of that. I wouldn't be able to deal with myself knowing that I left you behind, wishing that my soul will rot in hell or something." I could hear the sincerity in his tone and the desperate pleading in his words. He was so worried that I would all of a sudden despise him for doing nothing more than his job. Not only his job, but his dream.

"Calum, I could never hate you because of touring. I can't explain how ecstatic I am for you and the guys; you have gotten so much attention from people around the world-and you're dream is coming true. I mean, what kind of person would I be if I loathed you for reaching your aspirations?" I couldn't get myself to look at him because I knew that if I did, I would start crying. I gazed intently at the waves of the harbor, drifting out and then crashing against the sand again and again. I matched my breathing with them, and closed my eyes.

"Come back to my flat tonight, please," he asked. "I don't want to be without you." I agreed, so we left our mini-oasis and returned to Calum's home.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life laying there, with my head resting on his chest, listening to the quiet thumping of his heart. Under the duvets in Calum's room, I felt comfortable. He was so special to me, and he had no idea just how much I loved him. You know, being a fangirl for anything, you dream of moments like this. Being "a Calum girl" is so much different from being "Calum's girl." As we lie there, I tried to pull together reasons why I deserved someone like him or he thought I was good enough for him. I bounced ideas around in my head, but each one I came up with did not provide concrete evidence for either. In my self-assessment, I began to realize how inadequate I was. I wasn't model-status, I was loud, I was naïve, I was the biggest nerd to have ever been born into existence. I was entirely obnoxious, I had a pretty shitty sense of style, and I promise you that no matter how hard you tried, you would not find someone as obsessed with Cal as I was. My eyes welled up, and I couldn't prevent a few tears from creeping down my cheeks and on to Calum's flawless body. He had fallen asleep nearly twenty minutes ago-I knew because I no longer felt the small circles being massaged into my shoulder. I tried my best not to sob, but sure enough, a small noise released itself from my lips. Calum stirred slightly, and I stopped crying immediately. The last thing I wanted to do was wake him, but it was too late for that. He tilted his forehead down to meet with mine, only to discover my face ridden with tear-streaks. He shot up, and gathered my figure close to his. "Liv," he whispered in a raspy voice. "What's wrong?"

"I j-j-just was th-th-thinking," I started with short breaths in between stutters, "about w-why you like me." My voice was near hyperventilation, and I could barely keep myself from folding into a ball and hiding in the covers. Cal was drawing shapes on my back with one hand again while the other arm was wrapped around my hips, hugging me to his side. I became aware of a slight rocking forward and back, forward and back.

"What about it, love?"

"I d-d-don't deserve you. I'm n-n-not good enough." I said. Calum began to say something that I'm sure was supposed to be reassuring; I cut him off. "N-now you're going o-off to t-t-tour and I'm never gonna see you again." I let out a soft and desperate sob; the kind that hurts when it hits the back of your throat. I swung my arm across his chest and over his neck, practically yanking him as close to me as I could.

"Shhhhh," he whispered into my ear. He buried his face into my hair in the side of my face and just sat there, breathing me in. "Shhhh," he whispered again, keeping the soft rocking motion and getting ever softer with his whispers. He finally drew away and I sniffled to contain my tears so that I could look him in the eye.

"I know that tomorrow is our last day together, and I can't express to you how much that tears my heart apart. But there is no way on God's green earth that I am going to leave you behind for good. I'm not going to forget you, and I'm not just going to drop the idea of us. You are the most amazing girl that I could ever imagine, Liv, and I can't tell you that enough." Calum stared into my eyes intently, simultaneously combing my hair behind my ear and wiping tears from my cheeks with his thumb. "You are beautiful," he paused to place a kiss on my cheek, "and crazy intelligent," a kiss on the other cheek, "and I would never, ever, ever let your damn-gorgeous fire burn out in the dark." Calum delicately laid kisses on my cheeks, my eyes, my forehead, my nose, my lips, and then he moved down to my neck and my collarbone. "I love you so freaking much," he rasped. He stopped his kissing and put his forehead against mine, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him.

I knew at that moment that if I didn't have Calum for the rest of my life, I would be living a life that I would never completely fulfill.

*****a/n: guys I'm so freaking sorry that I haven't updated in a bajillion years; school piles up so fast junior year you have no idea.😁😁😁😁 I promise to get back to a more regular schedule now that we have settled in and I'm more or less in the swing of things. Btw, I went to ROWYSO Tampa and it was hands down the best night of my life. They were amazing and if you haven't already checked out Hey Violet, you definitely should! Thank you for reading! xoxo, Liv*****