No Regrets

Chapter Fifty-Four - When Goodbye is All You Can Say

DOMINICK'S POV

   Mollie woke up a  couple time during the night, I got up with her. During the few silent hours of the early morning as I held Mollie close to me, an overwhelming bittersweet feeling came over me. I've been waiting for what feels like years to have this day come and go. Ever since the day at the courthouse, I've just wanted to get this day over with. Get it over with, put this part of my life behind me, and just move on. If only I were able to simply move on so quickly.

  I have never so badly wanted a day to come so fast, but at the same time be wishing for time to drag on for an eternity. Around five o'clock this morning, Mollie woke up, she wasn't hungry, or wet, or scared. She simply woke up fussy, no doubt sensing the suffocating tension that has been building for almost two whole days.

   I laid down on my bed and propped my legs up to rest Mollie up against, she held onto my hand and slowly brought my fingers up to her mouth. She softly gnawed on my index and middle finger while staring into my eyes. Even though she's too occupied making a snack out of my fingers, I can see in her eyes that she's happy. There's something in Mollie's eyes whenever she looks at me that's unlike anything i've seen before. Whenever her big green eyes look at me, all I see is love, pride, and complete awe. She looks at me as if I'm one of the greatest people in the entire world. I never thought that anyone could look at me that way; and I highly doubt anyone will ever again.

   Mollie and I quietly hung out in my bed for the next hour, neither of us really wanted to go back to sleep. We played with her stuffed animals and I attempted to read her a book without her grabbing it or hitting it down. Only time Mollie lets me read to her is before bed when she's laying down in her crib. Around six-thirty in the morning, after a diaper change, Mollie and I go out the backyard to watch the sunrise.

   Sitting on a patio chair with Mollie cradled in my arms, I watched as the sky began to light up. Mollie, for the most part, was content playing with her feet and speaking gibberish. Twenty minutes later, the sky was wide awake and Mollie was the opposite. I slowly got up from the chair and made my way inside. Mollie was completely passed out, she didn't even stir as I set her down in her crib. I pulled her blanket up to her stomach. I lightly leaned against the railing and just stared at her.

 This will probably be the last time you see her this peaceful. I looked around this room, for the first time since Mollie arrived I really noticed all the changes. Unbelievable how slowly and subtly everything changed. We moved out my desk to make room for the crib. Over half of my bookshelf space became the place to store to diapers, toys, and blankets. A quarter of the railing in my closet had  Mollie's clothes hanging up. There's the baby gate at my door that Dad and I installed two weeks ago since Mollie became much more mobile. We have one at the top of the staircase and were planning on getting one installed at the bottom soon; but now we're planning on uninstalling the gates.

  Everything in my life changed last year, including me; and I don't doubt that everything will change once again, including me. The toys, diapers, clothes, pacifiers, and mostly all of Mollie's stuff has been packed into boxes that'll be given to the Wiltons. I don't know if they'll need or even accept any of the stuff, but I don't want to see any of it in the house. Mom had Dad put the high chair, bouncer, and playpen up in the attic. "It'll just be too much of a painful reminder." she said.

   I watched Mollie sleep for a couple minutes, I watching her tiny chest rise and fall with each deep breath and  I watched as her eyes would flutter. I gently stroked her open palm. Her brown hair is getting close to the length where Mom or Katie could begin putting bows in it.

  No one really talked or ate much at breakfast, the mood in the air was different than what had been floating around recently. Today the mood was more somber and everyone's mind is focused on making it through today. The extent of the conversation that was had over breakfast was Mom asking how everyone slept and everyone responding. Towards the end of breakfast, Dad addressed the elephant in the room and asked, "What time will we be dropping her off?"