No Regrets

Chapter Forty-Five - Hold Back The Hands of Time

DOMINICK'S POV

   Outside of the courthouse seems to be the only place that I'm not being suffocated. At least for the time being. My parents, especially Mom, are smothering me with their attempts of being comforting and understanding. Seeing those people and listening to them celebrate, gives me a sick feeling in my stomach and ties a knot in my chest.

  I wish Mom had let us take two cars up here, I'd be able to get away. Let them deal with the task of separating the Wiltons' from Mollie. I want to just go, anywhere away from here, and just be alone. I constantly feel the eyes of someone on me; waiting for me to do something. I have no clue what they're waiting for. Am I supposed to break down? Get drunk and do all the screwed up stuff they've always expected from me? Or perhaps, do what Katie wants me to do and blame Sawyer. Blame Sawyer for telling the truth and being honest. Whatever it is they're waiting for me to do, I just am not going to do.

  Right now, sitting at the side of the courthouse in the shade alone. This is what I do. I process things alone and I deal with them alone.

  I lost custody of Mollie; and it had nothing to do with Sawyer or Aria testifying or even Katie's doubt in me. I'm not dad-material and I never was, I've always known that. My past is more than enough proof to support the fact that I am just not meant to be a dad. Why does this hurt so much if I always knew this would happen? I ask. I let out a chuckle. Don't lie to yourself, you let yourself be blinded hope. You didn't see the truth.

  I actually for a moment thought that I had changed enough, become good enough, to keep Mollie. Unfortunately, hardly anything I do has ever been  anything close to "good-enough". I make an A on a quiz, it hardly brings up my C in the class. I do the dirty dishes, it doesn't change that the kitchen is still a mess. I was a good boyfriend, loyal, and as loving as I could be; but Nikki still used and cheated on me.

  My phone dings again to alert me of another text from Linkon. Now, in total, there are four missed calls and seven unread texts from Linkon. I sent him a quick text about the verdict; and he's been blowing up my phone every since. I quickly glance at my phone and see a preview of the text which reads, "PICK UP!" One second later, my phone starts ringing,

I press the decline button and stuff my phone back into my front pocket. How was I even planning on providing for Mollie? I ask myself. Truthfully, I've become so reliant on my parents for financial support, I didn't even put much thought into how much all the baby stuff costs. According to the piece of paper Mr. West presented to me earlier, Mollie really hurt my parents in the wallet department.

I guess I'll be having more time to work, I should probably pay my parents back. I think to myself. I should probably pay them back for the money they've had to spend to bail me out. However, that's all easier said then done. Even with a good paying minimum wage job, it would take the next few years to pay them back. I guess I should get started as soon as possible.

  My phone starts ringing again. I pull it out of my pocket. Linkon's call ID icon is on my screen; not surprised. My finger hovers over the accept button, I think about taking the call just to get him to stop. However, I end up just hitting decline and turning my cell phone off. A perk of being friends with Linkon, he doesn't take offense to me obviously ignoring his calls. I lean my head back against the brick wall.

I'll apologize to him later.

~~~~~~~~

   I open my eyes and find myself standing in the doorway of an apartment. I'm dressed in a casual button-up shirt and wearing blue jeans. I'm holding a backpack in my right hand. I know that I'm dreaming, I feel it in my gut. I should wake up but I have a gut feeling telling me not to.