No Regrets

Chapter Twenty-Nine - The Truth Doesn't Always Hurt

DOMINCK'S POV

  Mollie coming into my life was like having a bucket of ice-cold water thrown on you. At first, you're all "F*ck", your freezing cold, and you have no idea what to do. Then after a few minutes and after a few deep breaths, you calm down, think about how it's not the worst thing in the world, and you might even smile or laugh. It didn't take me a few minutes before I was able to smile about being splashed with my ice-cold water. It took me months.

   Now, I feel like a bucket of boiling-hot water was dumped on me. I might be left permanently scarred and there's no way I can ever smile or laugh about this. Mollie is still unconcious, but the doctor told me that I brought her in on time. They have her attached to an IV to get fluids in her along with getting medicine in her. They have cooling blankets on her. Everything that can be done to bring down her temperature. She's attached to a monitor. The doctor said she should respond to the fluids, blankets, and doses of medicine; and wake up sometime this evening.

"What if she doesn't?" I ask.

"We're not even close to that, Mr. Benji." the doctor says.

"I want to know what you'll do for my daughter. I want to be sure she's in good hands. So, I'll ask you again, what if she doesn't?" I ask.

   The doctor remains professional and calm, "We are more than prepared for a change in circumstances such as that. However, I assure you that the possibility of her not waking up within the next few hours is extremely low." she says.

   I start to say something more, but the doctor polietly cuts me off. "I have another patient I have to check-on, Mr. Benji." The doctor shakes my hand and walk off into another ER patient room.

   I try to keep from losing it and punching the wall. I don't punch the wall, but inside I feel as if I'm about to explode or collapse. I look in the room that Mollie's in. She's still sleeping. I want to go in and pick her up, but I'm scared to touch her. She looks even more fragile than she is.

   Sitting outside of her room isn't going to change or help anything. I'll only keep losing my sanity. I think to myself. I take a deep breath and rise to my feet. I force myself to be not be weak and scared. I open the door to Mollie's room. There's a chair next to the bed that I take a seat in.

   "I'm sorry Mollie." I say. I reach my hand through the bars on the bed and stroke her soft-skinned arm. I wish that she'd wake up as she usually would. I would give anything to hear her crying because she's hungry, or wet or especially because she needs comfort. However, she remains asleep. "Mollie, you have to wake up." I whisper.

   I don't want things to get to THAT point. I say to myself. This is all my fault. Katie wasn't there all afternoon with me, she didn't see me do something wrong. I don't even know what I did wrong, but I did do something. I'm the only one who could have. I try and remember every detail of this afternoon after I got home.

I gave Mollie her bottle. Could the milk have been bad?

"I know that it's probably been hard not having a mommy around. You could really use a mommy right now. A woman to sing you a lullaby and comfort you. I'm not too good at either... Especially the singing part." I say. I do a little chuckle as I think about my singing. If you can even call it that. I'd be paid to stop singing.

   "You once did have a mommy. I'm not sure if you knew she was your mommy then, or if you can even remember her now." I stop talking and try to look for more words to say. "There is so much about your mother I'll share with you one day. I do know one thing, everything your mommy ever did, the choices she made, and the secrets she kept, she had her reasons." There's more I wish I could tell Mollie about Nikki. The stuff I do know, I can't share with Mollie until she's at least a teenager. However, there are more questions I have for Nikki than I have information to share with Mollie.

   I beginning humming the tune of "On the Bayou". That's one of the only good things I can say I got from my time with Ezibell. Whenever I was being too loud for my hungover bio-mother, she'd lay me in my crib and sing me "On the Bayou". She wouldn't instantly go to that method. At first she's yell at me, and sometimes if she was especially irritated she'd lock me in her closet. However, no matter what method she first resorted to, she would end up singing that lullaby.

   Before I was taken from her, on the last night where I called her "Mommy", she sang that lullaby. We were living out of Ezibell's friend's basement. I didn't have a bed of my own or even more than two toys to call mine. Ezibell never allowed me on her bed but that night was different. She let me have chocolate milk, fed me car shaped nuggets, and let me lie on her bed. She sang me to sleep. The next morning, she took me to the playground at the park. She was gone to get either drugs or alcohol before I finished going down the slide. A concerned parent saw me alone and called the cops. What happened next is pretty obvious.

"Dominick." A voice says. I turn my head to look at the door of the room. I expect to see Katie, or maybe even Linkon to offer words of support. However, it's neither of them. It's Tyde. She's wearing a white blouse and a long skirt. She's working on catching her breath.

   I stand up from where I'm sitting. I gesture for her to back out to the hall. I shut the door behind me. "Tyde, are you alright? Why are you so... Out of breath?" I ask. I pick up Mollie's baby bag and pull out the water bottle I keep in the side pocket. Easy and quick access. I unscrew the lid and hand the bottle to Tyde. She gratefully takes it and jugs half bottle's water down in barely any time at all.

"I ran from the parking lot, yelled at a nurse to let me back here and had to run around this ER looking for Mollie's room. Yeah, I'm a little of breath." She says. "How's Mollie?" She asks. Her tone gives away her genuine worry.

   I let out a sigh and lean against the wall. I tell her what the doctor told me. About how Mollie should wake up in the next few hours. About how I brought her in just in time. "I'm a horrible father. You were right, I don't know what I'm doing." I say.

   Tyde lets out a sigh. "Dominick." She says softly. She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Look at me."' She says, her tone a little more stern.

   I look her in the eye. She looks into mine with her big-beautiful brown eyes. They look darker today. "I never said you were a horrible father, or that you didn't know what you were doing." She says.

"But you were thinking it." I say. I start to look away but Tyde tells me to look back.

"I said you were a new parent, no new parents knows a hundred percent what they're doing." She says. "Dominick, you're not the new parent you were those months ago. You know more as a parent than you used to all those months ago. That's commonly what happens to a parent."

"Listen to me Dominick, this is not your fault. You are a good dad. You. Have. Done. NOTHING. Wrong. Do you hear me. You did nothing wrong. You love your daughter." She says.

"You don't have to say all this because-"

"I'm not bullsh*tting you, Dominick. I will repeat myself as many times as I need to for you to understand and believe what I'm saying. You are a good dad. You. Have. Done. NOTHING. Wrong. Do you hear me. You did nothing wrong." She says.

   I'm about to say something, but instead. Rest my forehead on Tyde's shoulder. "Thanks." I say. "For not bullsh*tting me." I finish, I do a little smile.

   I feel like Tyde smiles a bit too. "See, sometimes the truth isn't always painful."

****AUTHOR'S NOTE****

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed.

I apologize for not updating, schoolwork has be busy. I posted a question area for this story. It says, "QUESTION TIME". Go there if you have any questions. I wrote some rules about questions, please read them before asking a question or commenting. Thank you.

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