Mischief Managed

17: Heavy Hearts

Dedication (again) to @sarcastic-brunette for being such an amazing reader- I can't thank you enough, every one of your comments makes my day:)

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It's the same with all good things- you never realize how great they are until they're gone.

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I lugged my trunk through the narrow aisles of the Hogwarts Express, forcefully ripping it through scattered rough patches in the carpeting. I'd been in a foul mood all morning.

On one hand, I was eager to see Sirius again, along with James, Remus, and Peter, while on the other, I was nervous- what exactly were Sirius and I now? Could we go back to being just friends- and did I want to? Did I even have a choice?

Anger was the easiest coating for all of these feelings. By slamming doors, crossing my arms, and offering only sullen good-byes to my parents, my nerves were brushed aside. For now, at least.

I found James and Sirius sitting together in a compartment about halfway down the third train car. Remus was in the prefect cabin, and Peter was probably milling about somewhere on the platform.

I yanked open the compartment door, and James and Sirius both jumped at the sudden movement.

"Hey, James, Sirius," I muttered, chucking my trunk above the empty seat across from them.

"Blimey, I think you've set a record for how unhappy someone has ever been on the way to Hogwarts," James joked, his expression bright.

I didn't respond, momentarily at a loss for words as I studied Sirius. He was looking away from me, hiding his face, and as I sat down I immediately saw why.

His hair had lost some of its shine, and it hung longer on his face than usual. His skin had lost its tan, and his eyes had sunk almost imperceptibly- anyone besides James and I wouldn't have noticed. A dark, ugly bruise cut into his left cheek, the dark patches were colored in the shape of hardened knuckles.

My breath caught in my throat. He didn't meet my eyes.

James caught me staring. His mouth turned down for a half second before he threw on a smile, laughed, and cast his arm around Sirius.

"Padfoot got a bit roughed up over the holidays, didn't he?" He widened his grin, his eyes bulging as if he was trying to signal for me joke along too.

My lips tightened and my mouth dried as I closed my eyes, trying to hide the rush of guilt, the awful sinking feeling in my stomach that Sirius's injuries were my fault.

James's smile faltered. His eyes flickered to Sirius again, and then he rose from his seat. He pulled open the compartment door, signaling for me to follow him.

I hesitated for a moment then followed, my mind lingering unhelpfully on Sirius's sullen form.

James found an unoccupied compartment and both of us stepped inside. He closed the door.

"Look," he began, his brown eyes wide. "I know Padfoot's a bit...beaten up...but he...told me..."

My stomach lurched.

"It was his mum. That's all he wants to say, and I don't think...we should pressure him to tell anything more," he finished, biting his lip.

I ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah, you're right, I just..."

James nodded. "I know. It's hard to see him like that."

"Yeah." I exhaled heavily, my chest heaving. My head began to throb.