Mischief Managed

36: Over the Water

a/n: so yeah this chapter is (just a tad) early, but I finished writing this scene and thought why not publish it now?! don't worry, I will still have at least one more update by next Friday. 

Hope you enjoy and please comment your thoughts!

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The sun was dropping lower in the sky. Its yellow spilled across the horizon like a cracked egg, weaving itself with reds, oranges, and pinks, until all the colors were flying over the trees, the lake, then to the very balcony I was leaning on.

My fingers twitched, and my skin skidded across the concrete railing. Wind rushed my face, and I could feel my hair fan out behind me. If I closed my eyes, I could have been flying.

But, instead I was grounded by an awful pit in my stomach. My temples hurt worse than ever before because I couldn't get over how real this was all becoming.

What if something happened to me tomorrow? Or Sirius, or Remus, James, or Lily, or Peter? What if we couldn't all survive this- what if none of us could survive this? What if-?

"Bree?"

I turned. Sirius was striding up towards the balcony. The wind blew his hair from his face. He smiled when I turned to him.

"Care for some company?" he asked, standing close enough for our shoulders to touch.

"I don't suppose I have much choice," I replied, eyeing the lack of space between us.

He leaned away from me. "Of course you do! I'll leave if that's what you-"

"No," I said, grabbing his wrist. "Stay."

His lips turned up in a soft smile.

"Good."

I sighed. A tentative silence fell between us, and, for a moment, we both watched the sunset.

Then Sirius said, "Today, at Dumbledore's office."

I raised an eyebrow.

He swallowed. "I expected you to volunteer first, to shoot up from your seat as soon as Dumbledore had finished talking, but you...didn't."

The pit in my stomach deepened. He didn't need to remind me. I was already ashamed, so ashamed, that it had taken consideration for me to do the right thing.

Was someone still considered brave if they had to pause? If they were scared? If they had to think about being brave, about making a sacrifice?

"Thanks for informing me," I replied icily, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"It's just..." he started. "You're brave- I know you're brave. I know you've wanted to do this for more than a year, but you hesitated. Why?"

I sucked in a deep breath.

"I don't have to tell you anything."

You would think I was a coward if I told you.

Sirius didn't answer me, instead just bore his grey eyes into mine, silently daring me to confess the truth.

"Fine," I caved. "I'm not sure myself. I wanted to volunteer the moment I walked into that office, but after listening to Dumbledore talk about the risks, about the sacrifice, I got...scared. Suddenly all I could think about was you, or any of our other friends, even myself dead. Because... I don't want to die, Sirius, I really don't want to," I cried, my voice rising higher and higher as the words spilled out.

His face softened, his jaw weakened, and he put an arm around my shoulders. I leaned obligingly into his chest, shaking with a fear that ran so deep I saw no end.

"You're not going to die. I won't let you," he assured me.

I shook my head.

"You can't know that. You don't have any control of who lives and who dies, no one does. I could die tomorrow, and, even if I knew it was coming, I couldn't stop it. You could die tomorrow, and if you did- well- I think I would too." Tears wet my face.

Sirius pulled me closer to him. A lock of his dark, curly hair fell in front of his cheek as he murmured, "Then I reckon you have to accept it. Just know I'm always going to be there for you. Whether you're in this world or the next."

"Sirius," I said, my eyes wet, "You can't promise me that."

His arms tightened around me, and he kissed my forehead. "I love you, Brianna Convelo. I can promise you that."

My heart felt weepy, but I let him comfort me. I leaned my head against his chest and watched the sun slip into the lake.

"If it's any help to you, I'm terrified as well," he said, "but I know..."

I felt his eyes on my face.

"Know what?"

He let out a breath.

"I know I have you. You are brave and strong and I think you are absolutely capable of protecting the people you love."

My chest grew warm as my heart bubbled with some emotion I couldn't quite identify. Pride, maybe, that he thought so highly of me. Or maybe it was just strength. A belief that I could fight. I could do this. We could make it.

The reds spilled across the water, falling and sinking below the surface. Darkness began to creep from the top of the sky, pressing downwards until the yellows were squeezed into black.

I pressed against his warm and muscled chest and closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of safety. Of being loved.