A day in the clouds

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Dan was a mess. The tears cascaded down his face in a waterfall of anguish and pain. He couldn't believe he had just made up a whole new person.... Again.

It hadn't happened in years, yet here he was a sobbing mess in his room. Dan was hiding under the sheets, trembling and shaking. He couldn't control the horrible shudders that ran through his body.

/weak pathetic loser. your only friends are all made up. just kill yourself already/

Dan let a sob rip through his body, feeling bile crawl up his throat. At the moment he truly wished to kill himself, but being in a mental hospital really poked some holes in anyone's suicide plans.

"Please." Dan whispered, his entire face coated in his sticky tears. "Please please please." He kept begging and closed his heavy eyes praying to never open them again. His entire body ached and he could still hear the echo of Dodie's song in his head.

Only it wasn't her song. She wasn't even real. She was nothing but a relapse to the doctors. Nothing but a mix up in the chemicals in Dan's brain. The crazy messed up neurons and protons in his head were just rebelling against the medication that was loaded and pumped into his body. And numbly the boy realized he hadn't even known the girl he was crying his heart out about for more then a week.

At least his episode was caught before he and Dodie had gotten to close. He couldn't imagine how he would have been reacting if he had known that girl for a week, or even a month. He'd most likely need those
restraints again.

With a sigh, Dan pulled the covers off his head, shivering at the sudden contact with the freezing air and shuffled his way towards the window. The only thing he could be sure that would never leave him, never disappear were the clouds. He watched them slowly drift through the grey London sky, shuddering at the gust of wind that came through the window.

Dan kept his eyes glued to the air, blinking away tears and imagining himself evaporating. He would soar into the air and let the wind dry his tears, enjoying the feeling of his hair being messed up, but not worrying. In the sky no one would see him. It would be truly just him and the voices forever.

But that was okay, because in the clouds he could sleep all day, resting in the fluffy pillows, breathing in the frigid air and letting it burn his nose. In the sky he wouldn't bother with medication or copping skills. He would just float forever, content and happy.

But that wasn't a reality. Blue pills and hospital bracelets was the reality, and with a shudder and walked over to his desk, desperate to get the day dream out of his head.

Sure enough the math homework he had been certain about setting down their was missing and in it's place was the unfinished worksheet.

/rip it up. burn the paper/

The white paper glared at Dan, daring him to due what the voices said. His head ached and he was too tired of fighting. He took the worksheet in his trembling hands and tore it down the middle. For some reason it felt good. Like a reward for giving in and doing what he was told.

With a sob Dan ripped it again. And again. The tears started falling and that's how phil found him, a sobbing mess, tearing a piece of paper to shreds.

"D-Dan!" Phil stuttered, a streak of black paint under his eyes. They looked more blue today. More bright.

"L-leave me alone!" Dan sobbed, looking at the confetti on the floor and sobbing again. It ran through his body with a shudder and he dropped to the floor, wrapping his arms around himself in a desperate hug.

"Dan!" Phil repeated and hurried next to the crying boy, squatting down. He used his paint covered hands to rub dans back soothingly, shushing him gently. He was unsure of what to do. The only person he had ever needed to comfort was himself, never anyone else and he was rendered useless.