The Life of the Wife

Chapter sixteen

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

JOHANNA

Had I really just killed someone? Surely this was a strange nightmare and soon enough I was to wake up. I didn't. Aiden took care of Isabel in the prayer chamber as I headed home.
I couldn't scrub the dirt off me. No matter how hard I tried I could still feel the mans blood on me, his filthy spirits trying to grain themselves into my body. My skin was starting to split and draw blood when I stopped. It hurt to put clothes back on but I managed and laid down in bed under the covers. I felt so sick and the vomiting wouldn't stop until I got home.
I cried a pool of tears into the flannel sheet and fell asleep, having night,ares about the knife plunging into the mans chest over and over.
I woke up sweating and screaming with Aiden holding me.
'Honey, it's okay, I'm right here. Nobody will hurt you.' His voice soothed me, but I didn't tell him that that wasn't the fears I was having, I was the one doing the hurting and that just wasn't me.
I felt so angry when I was doing it; Aiden gave a quick pep talk outside the shed before I did it, he reminded me of what Mark had done, and this man was just another one. I was so mad at Mark, all I could see was him in the mans face and my hands grew a mind of their own.
'I love you, Jo. You're so special.' Aiden kissed the back of my head and I fell back to sleep.

I awoke with a splitting headache and Aiden told me to stay in bed today and he would soon be up with some aspirin. I could barely open my eyes or move without my brain feeling like it was internally combusting. I didn't want my eyes closed though, it only showed me the mans face, Stanley, meshed with Mark's, and his blood squirting everywhere. I tried to keep them open as long as I could without crying in pain.
'Johanna? I've brought you some aspirin for your head?' Garnets sweet voice entered the room and I heard her creep over and she sat on the side of the bed, making it dip a little. I opened my eyes enough to see her weary face looking back at me.
'Garnet, you're not too disgusted in me anymore?' She chuckled at my remark.
'I was never disgusted, Jo. I just need time to let this sink in. Almost five months and I'll be having a baby alone. I just don't know how all this will work.' She laid down next to me after giving me the aspirin and a glass of water.
'I don't think I want it anymore Jo, it's tainted.' She wept.
'Well, it was before he was over taken by the devil, so it may not be?' I tried to make her feel better. She sniffled and put her arm over me.
'I can't handle any of this, I want to be a corrector, not a mother!' So many tears drenched the pillows as we both cried.
After a fair amount of crying and some deep breaths we were calmer.
'How was your first day being a helper?' With garnets curiosity came my tears again.
'I killed a man, Garnet, and I don't think I can do it again.'
Her eyes widened and she sat up a little.
'Johanna I know it's hard, but you have been given a special opportunity and you cannot waste it. The first time is always hard but the pain passes.' She spoke from experience.

The afternoon rolled in fairly quickly and I felt well enough to go outside and help out. I walked over to George who was carrying wood to get cut into smaller pieces for firewood.
'Do you need help?'
'Jo! No, are you okay? How was last night? You didn't get hurt did you?' So many more questions buzzed inside his head.
'George, I am fine.'
I helped him carry the wood and we both got a pear and ate it while walking through the fields.i explained to George what happened last night and to expect Isabel to be cleansed soon. At first he seemed frustrated but soon cleared his mind. The fields were good like that; no matter what anger, or doubt you had, nature would clear you and purify of any bad thoughts.
'Jo, I have to tell you a secret and you can't tell anyone.' His voice had turned serious and his strolling had turned to small, slow steps.
'I've had to do that a lot lately. Sure, tell me your secret, George.'
'Jo, I want to leave the commune and go back to my real life.' He breathed a sigh of relief but it was short lived with his impatient wait for my response took over.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I thought he was fully cleansed and was happy here. Sure Sunday's were hard and you didn't see your old family anymore, but you never questioned the trust of the commune, the safe utopia it had given us.
'You need to pray.' Were the only things that came out.
'Jo, I don't need to pray, I need to go home.' Sadness and scarce filled his voice and expression.
Maybe George was taken out of the prayer chamber too early, maybe he lied all about being cleansed, or was he just feeling homesick? I would feel homesick at times but tried to push it away, because being here with Aiden was the only thing that mattered. Wasn't it?
'George, I am going to pretend that this conversation never happened and suggest that you really do need to pray. The demon spirits might still have a grip on you.'
He sighed in defeat and walked me home.

Garnet had locked herself in her room again. She didn't want to be around Aiden at all. I went to the kitchen to prepare dinner and Aiden came in to watch, but only distracted me with his hugs and kisses every time I came toward him to get the fridge.
'Why I didn't move us here long before now is beyond me. We are so perfectly placed here it's meant to be, my love.' Aiden's words "my love" played through my head. That was one of Stanley's last words to Isabel before I killed him. I heard him whisper it to her when we were outside.
Without noticing I had cut my finger while chopping the celery and Aiden rushed over. He washed it before bandaging it and kissing it better.
'I love you, Jo. You scare me when you're hurt.' Aiden sat me down and continued to chop the vegetables.
'Do you mind if I go say hello to Gabriel?'
'Sure, if he is awake.'
I wandered over to his door and hesitated to knock.
'Come in, Jo!' His weary voice, muffling through the door.
I opened the heavy wooden door to find him in his wheelchair by the computer screens. This time they were on and you could see every part of the commune, even inside the houses. I sat down on his bed and fixed the creases in my dress.
'Gabriel, why have you made me a helper and not Garnet?' I tried to sound confident, but instead it came out shaky, as if a child was speaking.
'She is still young, Johanna. Aiden told me of your experience helping him in the past, and you are an August, so I seen it only fair to let you.' He huffed into his inhaler.
'Johanna, if you ever feel in doubt, read this. It's my original copy.'
He handed me an old tattered book with no title on the cover. I opened it to see the first page with handwritten scribbles in the middle:

How my words will become a bible for I am a god and so are my children. Holy Corrections will be the religion that will take us to heaven, for it had been told to me by an angel.
-Gabriel August.

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So can you see Jo's mind falling apart?
Will she believe that the commune isn't so perfect? Keep reading to find out!