The Life of the Wife

Chapter thirty three

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

JOHANNA

Terror had struck our veins like nothing before; there was no way out of this. The ferry drew closer to the dock and my heart felt as if the pounding was so heavy you could physically see the palpitations. The fear we were all experiencing had me in a daze, was it all over now? What would happen next? All I could imagine in my racing mind was horrifying pictures of us all being shot before stepping foot off the ferry.
The tears rolled freely down my face as I watched Aiden madly racing for reasonable thought, unable to make sense of the situation and find an escape, like he usually could.
I tried to speak, perhaps give consolidation to the maddening cries from Tom and the others through the walkie talkies but nothing but sobs came out.
'I'm sorry, Johanna. I hope you can forgive me for everything. Maybe, some other place, some other time I will see you again, but for now I'm saying goodbye.' Aiden clicked off his seatbelt and leaned over to the backseat and kissed my forehead.
'W-what?' I could barely get anything legible out.
'Tell them it was all me, tell them you were forced and had no choice, then go home to your father and shake his hand for me. I love you.' Aiden quickly jumped out of the truck and landed firmly on his feet, echoing a huge thump from his steel cap boots, and as quickly as he said goodbye, he ran for the edge.

Everything went silent when he dropped out of sight, into the crashing water. From what felt like forever, everyone froze in shock as he fell. The police grew wide eyed, they're mouths open along with the spectators, and along with me. The splash of his body hitting the water rung through my ears like a piercing scream and everyone rushed over to see him, whether dead or alive. I just sat in my seat, not believing that any of it had happened.
With everyone screaming "where is he?" I knew he was gone. Many police officers dived to find him but I heard nothing after that, it's as if I had gone deaf. I didn't hear the cries of Tom and the others with the loss of their God, I didn't hear the sirens or the police screaming for us to lie flat on the floor, and I didn't hear the police car door slam close beside me as I sit handcuffed in the backseat.

Words felt like nothing, so I didn't speak. The police were getting agitated that I was not paying attention and kept trying to get me to cooperate. After many hours of trying they gave up and left me in my cell for a while. I felt so lost, what was my life without my love? How would I know how to live without his guidance? Was I supposed to be strong right now? Being strong was the last thing on my mind, and when I tried to pray for strength, my lips wouldn't move and small crackles of what used to be my voice would burn my throat. How could he have done this to me?

When I woke up from the morning sun gleaming through the cell bars I at first thought it was a dream, and I was still at the commune with Aiden fast asleep beside me. I was quickly awoken to my real life nightmare when I pulled my arm over to hold Aiden only to get a handful of brick on the dirty cell wall.
'Johanna, are you okay?' A familiar voice whispered in front of me. I sat up to find George separated from me by the thick steel bars.
'I feel like I'm in the prayer chamber, and my fate is being decided for me. Is that how you felt George?' I lifted my heavy, tired body up and walked closer to George, his face looking healthier than our last encounter.
'Prison isn't a place you want to be in, Jo. Please just talk to the detectives!'
'Aiden is gone. I can't move on from that. Whatever prison they place me in can be nothing compared to the pain I feel in my own mind.'
'He wouldn't want you to rot, Jo. Just remember that.' George caressed my cheek and then wandered slowly down the cold, shadowy hall out of sight.
I knew he was right, and Aiden wanted more than anything for me to be okay. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to be. I felt like where I was at this moment, was where I was meant to be, and whatever punishment to come was well deserved. I wasn't cut out to be a normal wife that just stayed out of her husbands business, I wasn't cut out to be a corrector, and I wasn't cut out to be a murderer, liar or fugitive. Maybe I was just supposed to be here, alone, forever.

I thought about everything, what I was going to do, how I was going to do it. Confess to everything, then accept my life in a prison cell. I stopped praying, and I wouldn't accept any calls or visitors, I would just leave myself to think of what I had done and try to deal with it in my own way. I couldn't care about anything anymore otherwise I would have to go through the pain of maybe losing them again. Times were going to get rough but I needed to do this.

Maybe someone out there was going to save the world from evil, but it was surely not me.