Melancholia [Tom Hiddleston] {EBT book 4/4}

1

Tom stirred, the pallid sunlight barely illuminating the bedroom. If it had been decorated in darker colours the weak light would have been completely absorbed. But Kate knew that, which is why she had chosen white and light greys. He rolled over to cuddle her, craving her warm body against his, and was disappointed to find she was sitting up, her back supported by the headboard and a few pillows.

"Good morning my beautiful girls," he said, stroking the hair of the baby in Kate's arms. "How are we this morning?"

Kate smiled down at him. "Good. This is her first feed since before midnight. She slept through again."

"I knew my little Matilda would be a champion."

Kate looked down at the tiny smiling face, beaming up at her and straining to look at Tom. "Yes darling, that was your daddy's voice. He always distracted me from eating too."

Tom propped himself on one elbow and Kate laid Matilda down between them on the bed to play while she tucked her breast back into her pajamas. As usual all he had to do was smile at her and she dissolved into giggles.

"Oh gosh that laugh. That makes it worth the jetlag to come home for weekends. Of course seeing my beautiful wife helps as well." He smiled at Kate and brushed her cheek with his thumb. "Are you doing OK, Kate?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You just seem a bit flat."

"I'm fine. I have this gorgeous little munchkin. A wonderful adoring husband. Everything is perfect." She sighed.

"You know if you need anything, you need only ask. Emma loves coming to see you, she said you haven't spoken the last few weeks though?"

"I'll give her a call this week and we'll arrange something."

"Why don't you go and visit for a couple of days, get out of the house?"

"Maybe." Kate hid her shudder from him. She loved their home, why would she leave if she didn't have to? "Lizzie wants to come over again in a couple of months, before she's too pregnant to fly."

"I can't believe little Will is going to be a big brother. When are we going to make a sibling for Matilda?"

"You're kidding, right? She's seven months old, Tom!"

"And that would involve actually, you know, having sex." He chuckled. Kate swung her legs over the side of the bed and pulled on a robe. "Where are you going?"

"To the bathroom." She snapped.

Once there she looked at herself in the mirror.

Who are you? Who is this person that has invaded my body?

Her eyes were a little sunken, her hair a little less shiny than it used to be. Parts of her that used to be firm now jiggled, and her mid section was a labyrinth of stretch marks. No longer her best asset, her breasts were now a piece of feeding equipment, nothing more. Tom hadn't touched them since she had given birth, in the beginning she hadn't wanted him to and after three or four months she assumed he had given up. Now she didn't even like to look at them, sagging a little more than they used to, as though they too were affected by her general mood.

You don't deserve that beautiful, patient, attentive man in your bed. You know that, don't you. Who would go all that time without making love to him, make him wait that long? He's going to realise soon that there are loads of sexy women throwing themselves at him and he'll stop waiting. He'll run out of patience.

"Kate? Darling?"

She swiped away the tears that had formed in her eyes and splashed water onto her face before opening the door.