Hurts Like Heaven

Chapter Three

He was walking back from school again, the grey keeping him calm.  The days were getting closer until he had to start applying to universities and making real adult decisions.  It scared him a little more than he was willing to admit.  He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to start uni yet or if he wanted a year off.  Is it even my choice?  He shook his head a bit.  I’ll worry about this later.  As he turned the first corner from the school to really begin the long journey back, he found Dan leaning against the building waiting for him.  “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”  His voice was nervous, not at all enraged like it was that morning.

Phil shook his head.  “What could I possibly gain from telling on you?”  Dan’s face lit up a little bit, it must’ve been a weight lifted off of his shoulders.  “Besides, I kind of agree with you,” he commented.  It was hard to confess something like that—it must have been near impossible to word it like Dan had and broadcast it publicly.

“Thanks for not ratting me out,” he replied.  Phil started to walk away, not seeing a point in continuing the conversation.  It wasn’t like Dan would ever care what he had to say--the posh kid clearly had his own problems to deal with.  He would also probably forget he even existed by the next day.  “Do you really feel that way, too, Phillip?”  He stopped and turned around slowly to see Dan’s curious expression.  Dan Howell knew who he was, it astounded him even more that anyone cared what he had to say.  Why would he care how I feel, though?  I’m a nobody.

“I do, actually,” he admitted after a few seconds.  “Not that it matters.”  Dan’s face sunk a bit as Phil turned to walk away again. 

“I think it matters.”  Phil turned around again, and gave him a confused look from the words.  He realized after a moment that it was probably rude and returned to his skeptical glance.  It might have been a joke, all of it, so his friends (who were the furthest thing from nice) could give him hell over it.  They hadn’t bothered with him in a while, but the memories were still there.  He couldn’t forget any time soon.

“Why?  You don’t even know me; we hadn’t ever talked before this morning.” 

“It sucks feeling this way and having no one listen to you, trust me, I know.  I think it does matter, I don’t want to live my life this way.”  Phil still couldn’t quite buy it, why would anyone like him waste a minute on Phil Lester?  Better yet, why would someone like Dan be unhappy with his life?  “It’s not as easy as everyone makes it seem, I have problems too.  I hate that no one listens, so it matters to me that someone else feels the same.”  He slouched slightly against the building, probably feeling odd admitting this to the kid no one ever talked to.

He stood silent, unsure what to say, exactly.  He worried he would regret it, but what did he really have to lose by being kind?  He’d leave this place soon enough if it all worked out, anyway.  “Want to talk about it?”  Dan looked at him surprised and Phil felt his stomach drop.  Maybe that was the wrong thing to say…

“I’d—I’d like that.”