A huge amount of chalk was colored onto the police building confessing another feeling of not being good enough—bright blue and neon green bubble letters. He smiled a bit to himself and kept walking on. I wonder why he chose something so impermanent? The music from his headphones was blaring as he walked from the store after picking some things up for his mother. I’ve known him for months now, this is the tamest thing I think he’s ever done. He paid for the groceries and walked out.
It almost felt weird to not be walking with a friend at this point, though he never thought he’d feel that way. He never thought he’d get used to all the graffiti on the sidewalks and buildings either, but things change. Everyone had been in an uproar about it saying the town was going to hell and it was slowly becoming a slum and blah blah blah… He never admitted it to anyone, not even Dan, but he found it inspiring. It gave some color to the town that seemed to be in a permanent grey. He liked the bleak sky at one point, but it really was time for something to change—even if change looked “trashy.”
He walked up the road to his house and set the groceries on the counter. His mom came from the other room and started lecturing him about getting better grades or a job when he sat on the couch. He tried to tune her out ‘honestly Phillip you’re just going to end up…’ because he hated feeling ‘do you want to fail out of…’ like what he was doing wasn’t ‘you just spend all your time—‘ good enough. Eventually his mother left the room in a huff after putting away the groceries and rambling at him. He sighed. There really was no way to please her.
He spent the rest of the day up in his room remembering the words written on the bridge in the signature luminescent colors of the town’s other graffiti. ‘Do you ever get the feeling like you’re missing the mark?’ He frowned and tried to read a book instead. Despite normally being able to shut the thoughts away to deal with them later, he couldn’t take his mind off of it. Is this how Dan always feels? He half wanted to just say it, and admit he felt like he wasn’t good enough for anyone, but thought it would just sound stupid coming from him.
Though he wanted to just shout it out and have someone listen, he couldn’t. The best thing he could do was talk about it to Dan, who felt the same and yet spoke to no one about it either.
YOU ARE READING
Hurts Like Heaven
FanfictionPhil is a no one living in a small town trying to get out. When he sees a vandalized bridge in the park, it leaves him thinking about the meaning. Everything after that is an exciting rush leaving him a new person than who he'd imagined himself to...
