Hurts Like Heaven

Chapter Four

Most of the rumors Phil had overheard weren’t true after all.  Dan was just as much trapped there as everyone else, the only difference was the part of town he lived in.  He stressed that he wasn’t posh, he was “articulate,” (in his own words).  His parents were pressuring him to study law after a quick decision Dan had made, though he knew that was something he didn’t want to do.  Phil couldn’t help but feel bad for him—he probably meant it when he wrote that he wondered if his life was really his.  On top of that, he seemed to have real self-esteem issues and it made Phil feel a bit worse for being so rude earlier.  The more they talked, the more it seemed that Dan saw everything he did as “not good enough,” (that including his spray paint on the bridge, ironically). 

“You managed to vandalize a gated park’s property and escape without anyone having a clue you did it and it was easy enough for people to understand.  How could you say it wasn’t good enough?”

“How was it good?  I got caught doing something just like it the next day,” he retorted. 

“But I’m the only one who knows.”                                  

“My biggest goal was not to get caught.  And I failed.  Hence why it wasn’t good enough.” 

“Maybe it’s not a real failure.  You still got your message across and no one’s coming after you.”

“Fair enough.”  They continued walking toward Phil’s house.  The long walk felt a bit shorter when having someone to talk to, he found out.  He knew not to get used to it, though.  It wouldn’t be too long before Dan would leave and never talk to him again.  Having a friend like him would be nice, he thought. They seemed to understand each other; a closet criminal and a social reject.   How odd.

“And what about you?  I’ve been going on about my issues; do you want to talk about anything?”  Phil paused for a second, taken a bit by surprise.  When he offered to listen to Dan, he didn’t anticipate he’d end up talking about any of his problems.  His mind repeated over and over that he’d just sound pathetic talking about what made him feel not good enough and that it was probably a bad idea, but he did it anyways.

“I guess no one talks to me at school, my grades aren’t good enough for my parents, and they constantly remind me that my brother did better could sum it up...  I don’t think I can ever reach this ‘normal’ or ‘perfect’ status everyone else seems to have a hold on.  I’m not anything my parents want me to be,” he exhaled.  “It’s not like it matters though, I’m just going to be pushed to a job in the end and forced to deal with never meeting everyone else’s standards.  Nothing I say will change that.”  How optimistic, Phil.

Dan put a hand on his shoulder, probably a sign of sympathy.  “You really are good enough, and you’ll get somewhere in life, just wait.  I can see it in you,” Dan smiled.  His mind repeated that it was untrue and there was some reason for the boy treating him like this.  Phil wasn’t exactly sure what to say so he muttered a ‘thank you’ and they kept walking.  “You live around here?” he asked when they neared Phil’s neighborhood.  He nodded shyly, it wasn’t the nicest in the run-down town and it probably looked trashy to the sophisticated kid who lived in a high-end neighborhood.  “That’s cool,” he replied.  Phil couldn’t detect any sarcasm, but he took it as a slam.  They talked about living in the town for a bit until they reached Phil’s house.

Dan smiled a bit at Phil’s home.  “It looks really… welcoming.”  He smiled a bit having not expected anything too positive to come from Dan.  “I should get home—my parents are probably wondering where I am, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  You’re a pretty cool guy.”

Phil smiled.  “You are too.”  They said their goodbyes and Phil turned to enter his house, same routine as always:  plopping on the couch and watching television.  He felt bad for it, but kept slightly suspicious of Dan.  Everyone seemed out to get him when he opened up or even spoke—though he couldn’t help but wonder if it was an honest talk and Dan actually cared.