My Monster Mate

Chapter Seventeen

Deja Vu.

This is what I am feeling right now.

I breathe in and out, slow shaky breaths. I am used to this, pain that is. I am used to the pain, physically and emotionally. But if I am so used to it why does it still hurt? Maybe it's because my mate is doing it, or maybe the fact that I know no one could help me. And no one would, even if they could.

I open my squeezed eyes and find Xander standing over me with the bloody knife. But he is not looking at me, but is looking at my parents. He looks at them with cold hatred, the hatred that turned his heart into stone.

He stares at them hard. So hard that I almost cower away in fear, the fear is not for me though.

Matthew, and Rachel, the ones whom I thought were my parents stare at him. Their stares as blank as my heart.

"Tell me," He demands in a harsh voice. Matthew and Rachel shake their heads in sync. Rachel looks at me nervously with desperation in her eyes. Matthew doesn't look at me, but hardens his stare.

"Hurting her will not do anything for you. You're wasting your time," Matthew spits, "We'll  never tell you."

"Yeah, " Rachel chimes in, "We hate her, almost as much as we hate you."

I look at them tears threaten to slip from my eyes, I knew they hated me. But just hearing that they hate me almost as much as this beast is worse then my stab wound. It feels as if someone is squeezing my heart over and over. There it is again, words. They say sticks and stones may brake my bones and words will never hurt me. But they are wrong, words do hurt. And words hurt more then sticks and stones.

Xander then drops the bloody knife, making a clank on the floor.

I stare at the knife, the knife with my blood on it.

Xander then calmly walks over to the back wall where the torture items that hang on the walls. His muscular back faces me. He then runs his hands slowly over each torture item. Starting with the knifes that range from small to large. Then he moves to the whips.

"You know," Xander says, his back still facing us. "I really wish you would tell me."

He then picks one. The largest one. The one with the whip as long as three feet, and glass shards attached to it. He then turns around, no emotion on his face other then hatred. I stare at the whip and gasp, no. What is so important to them that they cannot tell him? Seven years ago they would have done anything for me. They would have given me the world, but now all they give me is pain.

I shake my head and scoot myself against the wall near the door. I gasp as I feel my wound opening further. I do not have super healing, I wish I did just like in those stories. The stories that Rachel used to tell me. But unfortunately life is not a story, and this is reality. Reality in which I do not have super sonic healing, but never have I  wished that I had that power so desperately as I wish I have it now.

"Please," I beg pathetically, "Not again!"

Xander struts over to me, his back now to my parents. I cower further into the wall and wrap my hands around my knees. My body shaking from fear. I no longer feel the wound for now all I feel is fear. Fear of my mate. Fear for my life, or what's left of it anyways.

Xander reaches for me but that's when I do it.

I pull the knife out from behind my back and slash his arm. Xander's arm retracts and a hiss comes out of his mouth. The whip falls out of his grasp. He looks at me with his green eyes and I look back with my blue ones. We both don't say anything. Both of us shocked that I actually did that.

He then shakes his head, as if he was expecting me to do that anyways. Xander then reaches out for the knife.

But I'm faster, I bring the knife up to my neck. He freezes. Matthew and Rachel gasp from the other side of the room.

"Arabell-" Rachel begins.

"No!" I shout. Tears stream down my face. I shakily stand up on my legs. My adrenaline  "No! No! No!"

Xander then reaches for the knife again, this time more desperate. I push the knife into my throat drawing blood.

Xander's hand stops, and he looks at me in the eyes. His hard stare gone, now replaced with the look of desperation and anxiousness. Now I see, see the real Xander. See Xander as a little kid, just desperate to get what he wants. Not this time.

He then begins to speak to me,"Arabella, give me the knife."

"Why should I? So you could just hurt me again? I'll just do it for you! You'll never have to see me again, no one will! Just like you said no one loves me! I minus well stop wasting air!" I shakily shout. People say love will make you do crazy things, but in my case, it's hate.

Xander sadly looks at me. He looks ready to cry, "Arabella please!"

All the hurt I have been through, all the pain. I could just end it. End all of it.

I feel the knife digging into my skin, ready to end it all.

And then I do it.

I drop the knife to the ground. I fall onto the ground with it, a sobbing heap. My heart pounding fast.

I am not doing this for Xander, no, I am doing this for me. If I die then Xander wins. I will not let him take the last thing I hold dear to me, my life.

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