𝑯𝒆𝒚 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝑫𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒍𝒂𝒉 | ᴹᴰᴳᶜ

TRACK TWENTY: Free Bird

My flight back to Minnesota was quiet, and the car ride with Dad was even quieter. I went straight upstairs to get ready. I used a black scarf to cover my hair instead of the bandana I used this morning. I switched my red sneaker for the other black one as well. I wasn't ready for today so I decided to go for a walk.

I stepped outside, and as soon as I hit the end of the pathway, he came running out of his house and towards me. He looked so excited and hopeful, but I couldn't share the feeling. Not just because of what today was, but because of Jace.

"Lilah!" He exclaimed. He hugged me tight as I kept my hands shoved in my jacket pocket. "What's wrong?" He asked as he broke away.

"You don't know?" I questioned. "What do you mean?" "Shawn's dead. He died less than a week ago." I said. His face dropped as he froze. "Oh my God." He whispered. "I-I'm so sorry, Delilah." "I'm back for his funeral. When it's over, I'm going back to LA." I told him. "You can come to the service if you want." "Yeah- Yeah, I'll- I'll be there." He stuttered.

I wanted to say more, and I knew he did too, but there was nothing to say. There was nothing I wanted to tell him. I didn't want to talk about Jace or Shawn or EPIC. I wanted nothing more than to just lie in the tent in the backyard with him with nothing but silence. I wanted to be in his room while he sang me, "Hey There Delilah." I wanted to hang around the kitchen while he made me pancakes.

All I really wanted was him, but I couldn't have him anymore, and I prayed no one else had him even if someone else had me. He is who I only want to call a rookie. He is who I only want to accidentally fall asleep next to. He is who I want to do everything I've done over these past few weeks with. Not Jace Cole.

"Well, I'm glad you're back." He said quietly. "Even if it's only for a few hours." "It was nice seeing you." I admitted as I fought off calling him, 'rookie.' "You too." He replied. His eyes clearly showed he was waiting for that nickname to slip from my lips. Yet, it never did.

🏒

I couldn't bring myself to go into the room Shawn was in. I had asked Dad if they could close the casket since I didn't want to see him, even if it only looked like he was sleeping. He came over and stood in front of me, then spoke.

"It's closed now." His voice was low and soft. "You can come in." I nodded slowly before following him. Knowing Shawn was inside that box made me feel uneasy. We stood next to it as Uncle Fulton had arrived.

"Hey." He greeted in a gentle tone. "Hey, Fulton." Dad responded. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. "Hi, Deuce." I practically slammed my body against his, hugging him tight. He rested his head on top of mine as he hugged me back. "I know, Delilah. I know." He whispered, rubbing my back.

As the service went on, more and more people Shawn knew had showed up. I overheard Uncle Fulton tell Uncle Ken that the last time all of the Ducks saw each other was at my mother's funeral. Apparently, Dad didn't show up for that. I guess he couldn't bring himself to.

A woman with light brown hair came up to me. She seemed nervous as she rubbed her hands up and down the sides of her legs.

"Um, hi, Delilah." She said. "I'm Carmen. I was a friend of Shawn and Nicole- your mom." I was caught off guard slightly. "You knew my mom?" I asked. "Yeah," She murmured. "God, you look so much like her." "What was she like?" I couldn't help but ask. "She was thoughtful, kindhearted, loved to bake," Carmen paused as she let out a soft laugh. "She would always come over to my house, and we'd bake together."

I smiled as she continued talking about my mom. "She was your dad's biggest supporter. Nicole and Shawn went to every game, every practice- they were like your dad's unofficial entourage." Carmen let out another small laugh before she cleared her throat and became serious.

"She loved you very much. She'd call me all the time while she was pregnant. If you kicked or moved or gave her a weird craving, she'd call. Then she'd apologize for annoying me, but in all honesty... I always looked forward to it." Carmen then pulled a pen and a small pad of paper from her purse.

"Here's my number if you ever want to vent to me about anything." She said, scribbling down the numbers. "I won't judge you, I promise. I'll listen, give advice, whatever you want or need. Just say the word, and I'll make it happen." "Like a genie?" I questioned. "More like a fairy godmother." She responded, extending the torn paper to me. I took it and glanced over it before folding it and keeping it held tight in my right palm.

"Take care, Delilah." She said. "You too." "Remember- all hours." I smiled lightly as she walked away. I felt bad that I could treat her like a human diary, but I'm glad I'll have someone to talk to about anything. Especially if that person knew Shawn and my mom.

🏒

As they began to lower Shawn's casket into the dirt, it began to rain. It was slow at first, then it started to pour. The rain was loud and harsh. Every time it hit the top of my head or my shoulders, it felt like bullets.

I walked over to my rookie and stood under his umbrella as I didn't want to be close enough to the grave to hear Shawn reach the bottom. I felt him slowly take my hand in his, and without thinking, I rested my head on his shoulder.

When Shawn was in the ground and the dirt began to fall on him, I turned away to walk to Dad's car. The gravel of the path crunched under my shoes as I pulled out miscellaneous threads from the hemming of my jeans. He ended up catching up with me on the path and put the umbrella over me again. I didn't look at him as I was afraid I might say or do something I'd regret.

He opened the car door for me, and I went to climb inside but stopped and held onto the top of the door. "It was nice seeing you, rookie." I said. He smiled at me softly before stepping over, getting a bit closer. "You too, Lilah." He leaned in, but I turned my head, and I felt his lips lightly graze my right cheek as he stopped.

I couldn't bring myself to look back at him, so I climbed into the car. He grabbed the door and threw it shut. It slammed and shook the car slightly as he walked off. I could tell he was upset, I just didn't know if it was the frustrated or sadness kind.