"Yoooo what's up with you bro? You keep zoning out and shit. You good Jay?" Tony asked me while we were shooting around at the park. "Man it's been a lot for real." I said as he came closer to close the gap from where we were standing. "Alright, so what's good man?" he asked and me as I walked over to the bench and took a seat. Tony went to messing around with his handles as he looked at me. "Bruh the other day I ran into Jazz on campus, right?" he looked at me with a confused face for a minute. "It ain't nothing like that. But she ended up confirming with me that I really am married and shit. So I'm thinking she's on some bullshit but instead she explained that she was happy for me and she could see I'm actually happy and shit." "That's mature." he said sounding partially surprised and shit. "Right...but then she goes into this whole awkward moment and ends up passing me this..." I said as I passed him the sonogram. "...so she said she realized she only wanted this to be the outcome because she wanted me. She decided to terminate the pregnancy because she knew it wasn't gonna be good for her or the baby. So I was so fucked up about losing one child and then in reality I lost two. And to make things worse, I don't even know how to bring this up to my wife. Like I think it's gonna make things worse if I tell her." I admitted to him. "How could that make it worse? Shit she gone know something up if you're moping around and shit. A chick that really loves you, always knows man." "But I don't get how to explain it to her without her wondering why it's getting to me so bad." "I think that would get to anybody bruh. Give yourself some grace, that' a lot of shit even on the calmest of people. I mean you had a whole past with Jazz and that's a lot to move past let alone just finding out about the loss. Adding that on top of the shit with D is a lot." "Speaking of which...I went and had a talk with her." "How you manage to get that one off?" he asked me. "I went to the studio to holla at C that day because he was literally the closest one to me. I went there and as we were chopping it up, I saw her walk by but once she looked in she went in the other direction. Kinda fucked me up because I don't want it to be like that. Like I know we had what we had and it ended how it did but I feel like we should be past it." "Yes and no. I mean you can't really give a person a timeframe on when to heal, but I'm sure y'all still could manage to be civil with each other though." "Right...that's basically what I said. So after I chopped it up with him, I went down to the studio and spoke to her and Kev and then we talked. For the first time I was able to be completely real with her if I couldn't be with anyone else. It was never that her only dating women before me was a problem." I said and Tony didn't react. "You ain't gone ask me?" "Bruh I always knew that wasn't it. I just never kept going about it. Most dudes would be honored to be not just the first, but the only." He's right about that one. "I really just didn't know how to be there in the way that she needed me to be. Like you know me, I get in emotional situations and just crash out and I didn't want to do that to her. I mean I do feel like she should've told me that shit, but it wasn't enough to leave what we had built. I'm not even gonna lie, I used Jazz and liquor to try to distract my mind from her. I mean it worked...until I was by myself and then...I don't know man. Then it was like each time I kept bringing myself to talk to her, I couldn't. Then here comes Kev...like I can't even be mad at dude. He's better for her for real and that's my loss." "Bruh I promised myself that I wasn't gonna bring this up for real. But do you hear yourself? You sound like you still in love with Dom." A truth that I knew I never wanted to admit. "I mean...do you ever really fall out of love with somebody if it's real? Like come on bro you still in love with Toya." I said and when I looked over at Tony, I saw something different. "I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I love Toya and I always will. She's the mother of my child and she's a good person. She helped me become more of a man when my parents couldn't even do that. However, I don't feel that connection to her like I once did. But this ain't about me, I'm not the nigga that's married bro. I ain't even coming down on you, but it's like if I can come to this conclusion, you think Suki can't? I mean I know you're in love with your wife, no doubt about it. But if Dom were to try to backtrack what you doing?" "I took vows bruh. I'll remain loyal to my wife, I'm not that nigga no more." I told him. "I wanna believe you, but you took too long to answer. And as far as your marriage goes, I want y'all to make it because you're great for each other. But keep it G, you proposed because that was the only trump you had to keep her on lock." I really couldn't deny that shit and it sucks because T really knows me. "You may not have done it for the right reason, but I commend you for doing right by her and stepping into your manhood the right way. I love this for you. But until you're able to admit and accept the truth within yourself, you're gonna fall apart like this any time something with Dom or Jazz comes up. Now to level with you, you'll probably always love them both because them your baby mamas, but that in love part, you gone have to find a way to shake it." And no other words really hit me the way those did. I didn't want to hear that shit, but that's why I needed to hear it. T was always gonna kick it to me straight."
YOU ARE READING
Allegedly Book 2
RomanceThe story of 6 inner city young adults, all from different walks of life, from different areas, and conquering different hardships. Watch how school, family, drugs, lies, the streets, and love bring them together and rip them apart
