The Mind of a Queen: Open Love Letter

False Hopes 8/14/15

Keep wishing and keep hoping
For that love to take over me
So much passion so much commitment
Feels more like a fantasy that could never be reality
Yet still I dream
Because I felt it deep in my soul
Only in my dreams yet when awake I still feel it in my physical
Its beyond just spiritual
because in my heart I know I can obtain it
But still fear that I'm only chasing false hopes and future abandonment
But I know this connection is above me
Truly gods divine
Which makes me so Scared to fail
But I know my heart will If I don't at least try
Doing whatever gotta do to swallow my pride
And prepare myself for gods gift that he says is specifically mine
So many doubts arise
Is this man real
Is this unconditional love that I have experienced
That makes me feel above and beyond blessed
The real deal
Im Running out of patience
Because I've never craved or wanted anything in my life so severely
Yet I'm scared to go to sleep at night because I know that he will see me
And he knows so he choose to show up during the day
And makes sweet love to me so intensively
That reminds me of what's at stake
And all I can do is pray
Because it feels like I'm living a double life
I give him the real me
And this world just get whatever I have left behind
I feel so conflicted
Between this physical world
And this man that I now call blu
Wanting to physically be touched caressed and able to express all this love that I don't know how to measure
Yet
I can't deal to settle just for empty sexual pleasure
Took that step after 3 years just to confirm its not enough
And the only thing that is is what I consider to be false hopes
I can't run from him anymore
No matter how negative I try to twist it
He always proves me wrong
And has no problem helping me release my sexual tension
But I keep saying that even though it feels as if we are making love physically its still not enough
He reminds me to be patient to please wait for him
Because he is definitely coming home
Based off how his love makes me feel
I want this shit to be real with every ounce of my being
Then my ego comes in to play and states I'm just imagining things
I don't know when or how but I know our time is getting close
I just wonder when we meet will both our feelings be exposed
I don't want to be the only one.
I guess that's what I truly fear
To recognize him on a soul level and be the only one aware
Damn
These false hopes got me feeling a certain type of way
But yet my soul cant shake them
Ignoring my doubts she just keeps stepping forward
And swallowing that fear of permanently being lonely
Because she knows without a doubt that for each other we are worthy
And I let her
I now refuse to go against her
Because I feel like she knows what I need better than I do
Able to see the bigger picture of the big picture
I know that these false hopes are in my near future
So I'll never give up
~QueenLeah The Poet