an attempt at poetry

chapter 55: I'm scared I'm going to become an alcoholic

I fear it's written on my skin,

Engraved on the muscles of my body.

A prophecy that ought to be proven right,

Fate marked on the stars of a tainted night,

The pain I feel is always morphing,

So the ways I cope need to not fall behind,

The handles of the weapons used are always made of leather,

Now I feel the leather hilt won't be strong enough to hold my grip,

These new kinds of pain need to be slayed with something darker,

Something held together by a rare, golden string of belief,

Today's pain takes its first steps in an intimate manner,

Its slow and familiar as it creeps closer and reeks of horror,

It mirrors the pain he left as he hugged my neck with callused hands,

And the one from years ago when I blindly followed his commands,

Today's pain likeness grants me a hint of solace and comfort,

That is until it cleaves to my chest and abandons my limbs,

A part of it braids itself through my ribs, the other slithering to my head,

I never felt like I was drowning before, it was only ever the fleeting feeling of having bled,

Any other pain I've known always felt somewhat mundane,

Like a 12 year old whose parents died could go just as insane,

Todays pain feels precisely wrought to fit my sharp and jagged edges,

Today's pain feels as if it knows me, knowing well each spot it presses,

I gaze at the wall holding pain-slaying swords and blades,

None of them can slice into me, kill this pain, and avoid having my body fade,

None of them are sharp enough to numb the hurt and make me willing,

Willing and ready to embrace this ache so I may have a new beginning,

So I drop my head and find a promising release sitting by my feet,

A radiating glass bottle filled with determined, amber liquid to the brink,

Its label pledges bitter courage and a lens of thought where ends meet,

It vows oaths carried by the wind and to burn gently as you drink,

Today's pain I can still tame, it still doesn't need the release,

But what about tomorrow's? Will I still wake into the light at peace?