PULSE

(nineteen) january 1

(NINETEEN) JANUARY 1

It didn't take long at all for it to feel normal again for me to wake up with no messages on my phone and nowhere to be. Within a week of Candace's accident, I had already acclimated back to the way life was without her, Lev, or Ava in it. It was too easy to close all the doors around me that they'd broken through, and seal myself again in the dark.

I fell quickly back into the old routine that I'd developed over the years; most days, I wouldn't leave bed at all other than to get myself food, and I was lucky to wake up by midday anyway. On the occasion that I left the apartment, it was only to walk to the hospital and sit beside Candace's bed as she recovered. After more than a week, though, she was still always asleep when I came around.

This made sense to me.

So most days, I only waited in bed, drifting back and forth between staring at the wall with my old headphones blaring music in my ears and sleeping on top of my blankets. On this day, in particular, I found myself leaning against the headboard of my bed, heavy bass in my headphones pounding in my ears and bringing back the familiar pulsing pain along the back of my skull that I hadn't felt in months. For a long time after my accident, my head felt fine, but since Candace ended up in the hospital, it had started to feel brand new again.

Because of this, I didn't hear when a call came on my cell phone, and only noticed it as it was about to go to voicemail, buzzing against my mattress. I quickly pushed my headphones down around my neck and lifted the phone to my ear.

"You couldn't visit me once? How am I supposed to know whether you're alright or not?" Candace demanded without pause.

I blinked. "Whether I'm alright?"

"Yes. For all I know, you're not eating, not sleeping, and you're living in a cardboard box out in the street."

"What?" I asked. "Why would I be doing that?"

"Come see me, Aidan. I know I promised to not act like your mother, but I'm still legally your guardian, so I should probably check for myself to make sure that you're okay."

I had half a mind to tell her that I had been visiting her—that in fact, I'd visited her every day since she was admitted to the hospital after the accident more than two weeks ago. I had no control over the fact that she was never awake when I came around, but I'd been coming.

Instead of telling her this, though, I just said, "Yeah, I guess."

"Come soon. And bring some food from the shop; the junk they're feeding me here is awful."

I nodded, rising from my chair and grabbing my keys, wallet, and coat as I left my bedroom. In the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator and retrieved one of the many plastic bags of food that Lev had been leaving on my porch every morning (none of which I'd touched).

"Alright. I'm on my way."

"Be careful. And come fast; I don't want to fall asleep before you get here. I haven't had a proper meal in an eternity."

"Yeah. Okay. I'll be there in an hour."

"Don't make me wait longer."

I hung up as I slipped out the front door, pulling my coat on over my shoulder and hefting Lev's latest delivery in my free hand.

***

"You're fast," Candace said as I entered the room where she was sitting quietly in bed.

I nodded, dragging one of the chairs across the tile floor and pulling it up to the side of the bed. "I ran."