PULSE

Chapter Fifteen

[ OCTOBER 11 ]

When I woke up with early morning sunlight streaming in through the blinds and falling over my face, it took me a few minutes to realize why my shoulder felt weighed down. In fact, it probably took longer than it should have before I gathered my wits enough to figure out that the problem wasn't being tired.

The problem was that Ava was asleep on my shoulder.

Memories of the night before came flooding back to me all at once, and the force of their impact was almost like a bad hangover. After recording for most of the evening on into the night, we had retired to my bed as I finished fine-tuning the song on my laptop. Some time around three A.M., Ava fell asleep, and I was too absorbed in what I was doing to think much of it. It wasn't long after that before I'd accidentally dozed off too.

I slumped backward against my bed frame, pressing my palm to my forehead and staring down at her.

Gathering my strength, I slipped slowly out of the bed, moving Ava's head so that she was leaning on a pillow rather than me. I moved to my feet and began to pace the room, running my hands roughly through my hair. A wave of conflicting emotions was already starting to drown me, so I kept walking, hoping that physical activity would help force down the nausea that was creeping up my throat. I was just beginning to settle on leaving the apartment so that I wouldn't have to see her wake up when I stopped in front of my dresser.

On top of the scuffed wooden surface was a CD case. I slowly moved toward it, lifting the case up in my hands and opening it so that I could see the silver disk inside. It had been over a month since Lev, Ava, and I had gone to the city, where she picked the CD out for me.

My eyes flicked down toward my wrist, where a red-black-and-white bracelet was looped around my arm. I still hadn't taken it off since she'd tied it there.

I glanced back toward my bed, where Ava was still soundlessly asleep on top of my bed. I slowly began to way back toward her as the nausea began to subside, stopping beside her.

As carefully as possible, I slid back into the bed, lifting Ava's gently enough so that I could move it back onto my shoulder without waking her.

I conceded to staying for a while. I had nowhere better to be. Hopefully she didn't, either.

***

"Hey, Dad," I said as I came to a stop at the top of a familiar hill. At least the weather had finally cooled down, so the trek to my father's grave wasn't such a challenge anymore. The sun was still out and shining above me, but I was able to make the long walk this time without even taking off my sweatshirt. I let out a deep breath as I stopped next to his headstone, collapsing onto my back in the grass.

"I know, I know. I don't come enough," I said. "You're just in such a damn inconvenient place, and I've been busy, and..." I turned to look at him, then back at the sky. "That's not important, though. The thing is, we haven't talked in a while, and, you see... I've met some people since then."

I pulled my headphones off of my neck and set them on the headstone, selecting a song on my phone so that he could listen. When I'd finished, I laid back down, folding my arms under my head and staring at the shattered sky through the leaves. Even in the slightly cold weather, I could feel the warmth coming from next to me, and I smiled to myself, closing my eyes.

"There's this guy I met a couple months ago. He's kind of ridiculous and weird, and always has this stupid, sideways, half-grin on his face..." I paused, laughing to myself. "And he's strangely honest all the time, and is probably loyal to a fault. If I'm honest, I worry that he's going to get himself killed doing something he shouldn't be. Probably for someone else." My smile faded, and I sighed. "The kid's face has more craters than the moon, some days. It makes me want to kill the guys would are doing this to him, and then kill him for letting it happen."