Last January

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15 January 2014

Jongin woke up with sweat on his forehead. He tried desperately to bring air into his lungs, but he felt like he couldn't breathe at all.

"Nightmare. It's only a nightmare" He closed his eyes forcefully and tried to breathe through his mouth.

Jongin pinched the top of his nose as his head kept spinning and spinning. His body was curled on Kyungsoo's bed. The nerves in his stomach made him want to throw up but he couldn't ignore the fact he hadn't eaten anything yesterday.

It must be the effect of crying and drinking too much alcohol last night and the funny thing was he drove unconsciously to Kyungsoo's apartment and he was still alive now.

He sighed heavily before he reached for his phone and pressed it against his ear. He close his eyes and bit his lower lip waiting for the answer.

"Good morning hyung."

He mumbled to himself. After called twenty five times without receiving any answer he finally give up, and stared blankly at the phone number displayed on his screen.

The phone number that called him a ton of times three days ago. A phone call that he regretted ignoring.

"Hyung if i was there with you...would you still be with me right now?"

Tears pricked at his swollen eyes. The pain in his chest started to grow bigger and bigger again and without him realizing he already began to sob quietly.

"Hyung stop this pain please"

He picked up his pack of cigarettes crave for the taste of nicotine on his lips to made him comfortable but then he put it down again. He didn't want to contaminate Kyungsoo's scent in this room. Because that the only things that remained about Kyungsoo.

Whats funny is that people said when someone you love dies you can still feel their presence beside you but Jongin couldn't feel Kyungsoo's presence.

It was just like he was gone without any trace.

There was only emptiness.

A big emptiness.
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After successfully pulling himself out from Kyungsoo's room. Jongin headed to the kitchen and tried to made some hot coffee to warm his cold heart. He yawned as he couldn't find the coffee.

"This hyung"

A crooked smile slightly appeared on his tired face when he remember that Kyungsoo always hated coffee because it tasted bitter. And how he would eat cereal with milk instead every morning. How Kyungsoo's habit became his habits too. It was at those moments when they sometimes would get a grasp on what it meant to be around each other.

Jongin grabbed a box of cereal and walked to grab the milk from the refrigerator when his feet suddenly stopped. He clenched his jaw. There was a photo of them together stuck to the refrigerator. In that photo Jongin wrapped his hand around Kyungsoo's neck. It was taken at Kyungsoo's birthday last year when Jongin made a surprise for him. They were so happy back then.

"They stole it from us hyung. Love has been so unfair to us. To you. If it was my choice i would be with you forever. But i couldn't do anything. I....."

Jongin could feel his throat burning. He stood there long enough and stared at their old photograph before he turned back. He couldn't finish his sentence. Jongin placed the cereal back in its designated place as he had lost his appetite and rested his body at the couch

He closed his heavy lids trying to get some sleep when suddenly his phone rang. Without looking at caller ID he answered it.

"Oppa i'm going to..." She said in a rush.