15 January 2014
Jongin's body slumped at the couch and his eyes were brimming with tears.
"Damn it damn it."
He looked at his phone before throwing it away.
Yura.
He had hurt Yura.
Before, it was Kyungsoo. And now Yura.
"I love you too, Jongin-ah"
"I love you and it somehow hurts."
"I knew that you love my brother and he loves you too. But it has never occurred to me that you love him in a different way. And when you proposed to me, it's just-- Do you really love me Jongin? Do you love me the way you love my brother?"
"Do you love me the way you love my brother?"
"Do you love me the way you love my brother?"
"Do you love me the way you love my brother?"
Yura's voice echoed in his mind again and again. It frustrated him a lot. He pulled his knees up to his chest before he put his head in between them.
Does he love Yura?
It was the same question that he kept asking to himself. Yes he loves her, but it's not the same.
It will never be the same way.
Not like the way he loves Kyungsoo.
He still remembered that day.
The day when kyungsoo's father called him for lunch together, it surprised him a lot but he said yes anyway.
He still remembered what Kyungsoo's father had said to him; word by word.
He still remembered everything vividly.
The way that heavy voice said:
"Do you think your love will bring any good to my son? He will inherit my company, and who are you? Do you think people will accept him if they know that he's in love with you? You're going to be nothing but a flaw to my son's future. If you really love him, you would just leave him. I hope this will be the last time I see your face."
That was the day his heart torn into two.
The day cold reality tossed him to the ground.
The day that he promised to himself that he would leave his feelings unsaid.
If protecting someone you love means that you have to sacrifice your feelings.
Then it's okay.
If he is not able to see Kyungsoo anymore.
Then it's okay.
If he will be the only one who is hurting.
Then it's okay
If Kyungsoo will hate him afterwards.
Then it's okay
As long as he can see Kyungsoo live happily.
As long as he can see Kyungsoo breathing and alive.
As long as he can see Kyungsoo grow into a successful man and get married with a woman and have kids.
Then it's okay for Jongin.
