Last January

140114

14 January 2014

A tall dark haired guy stood at the hospital's roof. He was dressed in a suit in shades of black. The first two buttons were unbuttoned to let him breathe comfortably and the black tie he used was loosened up a little around his neck. His face was nothing but exhausted. There were dark circles under his empty eyes. He looked down to watch the people on the road.

"What does it feel like to be someone else?"

"What does it feel like to be anywhere and not here?"

The cigarette burned against his lips. The filter seemed to fade away between his fingertips.

Everyone live's seemed to moved on while his life was stuck at that moment. Now he envied a strangers life. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to face this situation. He would trade anything to be somewhere else. He wondered if he'd jump from the roof the the ground.

How will it feel when his body falls to the ground and hits the cold cement.

How will it feel to lay down lifelessly.

How it feel to be free from all this shit.

"Jongin oppa. What are you doing here? I was looking for you everywhere. The funeral...." The girl left her words hanging when she saw Jongin smoke the cigarette.

Jongin turned his face lazily which distracted his mind from jump to the ground.

"Oppa... you smoke?" she asked with doubt even though she saw him with her own eyes.

"No" His voice cracked as he dropped the cigarette to the ground and used the heal of his right shoe to stomp on it.

The girl was dressed in black hanbok. Her face was had the same tired expression as Jongin. But the make up helped her cover her sunken eyes.

"Oppa are you okay?" The girl asked and moved closer to Jongin shortening the gap between them. There was a long pause before he answered.

"I'm okay" Jongin gave her crooked smile. He ran his hand through hair.
She leaned closer as she rested her head on Jongin's shoulder and started sobbing.

"Oppa... why did he do that? Why did he leave us? Why so suddenly?" Tears ran down like a razorblade from her eyes.

"Yura" He said while biting his lower lip that gave him a metallic taste.

Jongin pulled her into his arms. Hugged her tightly. He couldn't answer her question. He didn't know the answer or maybe he knew but he didn't want to. Words just got stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath.
Unsure with what to say next.

"Everything will be okay. He's safe now"
-

Jongin always hated funerals. It always had a dark surrounding and was full of hysterical sobs.

"Oppa I should go and greet the visitors first" Yura released her arm that linked to Jongin's.

Jongin nodded as he entered the memorial area with nervous footsteps. He removed his shoes. In the centre of the almost empty room there was a framed picture of person he loved surrounded by white Chrysanthemum flowers and candles on a table.

His breathing was calm but he could feel his head is pounding and his chest ached. He wanted to break down but he couldn't. He watched people pass by and bowed to body that had been cremated.
He gone forever.
His scent.
His body.
His touch.
His smile.
His eyes.
His everything.
It was gone like the wind. Leaving only memories and pain.