Last January

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13 January 2014

Kyungsoo drove his car with full speed to Jongin's apartment. After returning home from his birthday party, he kept calling Jongin's number but there was no response. He went to Jongin's apartment first, but found nothing, and the next door neighbor said that Jongin wasn't home. He then headed to the bar where Jongin usually spent his time but still he found nothing. Only Wu Yifan greeted him and had no idea where Jongin would be. So Kyungsoo ended up drinking and would have continued had Yifan not stopped him and asked him to go home.

But where is home?

Kyungsoo didn't have a home. A home is a place where you feel comfortable and a place that made your heart warm.

So where is home?

Where is home for Kyungsoo?

When Kyungsoo arrived at Jongin's apartment for the second time, he didn't even bother to shut off the engine or release the key from ignition. He ran to the third floor but the stairs seemed longer than usual, or maybe he was just drunk. He felt his legs tremble and his stomach start to feel queasy. He remember the first time he had come to Jongin's apartment months ago.

⇔

It was Sunday and a lovely day, and they were both having a delicious pancake breakfast near a Seoul train station.

"Have any plans for today, hyung?" Jongin asked, his head cocked to one side.

"Nothing. You?" Kyungsoo chewed his pancake slowly while his eyes peered at Jongin intensively. He noticed a stain of maple syrup at the corner of Jongin's mouth. Kyungsoo leaned closer before softly wiping the stain with his thumb. Their faces were only inches away and he could hear Jongin's gasp.

"You sure eat like a kid," Kyungsoo said as he pulled himself away and felt his cheeks burn.

Jongin grinned before saying, "Wanna come to this kid's apartment?"

Kyungsoo nodded and smiled back.

⇔

When Kyungsoo reached the third floor, he found himself panting, with sweat running across his forehead. His eyes were fixed on Jongin's apartment door. He knew that the apartment was empty but his heart burned with hope.

"Jongin open the door."

"JONGIN!"

"Jongin, I beg you."

"Jongin!"

"KIM JONGIN!"

Kyungsoo kept pounding his fist on Jongin's door. Jongin's apartment is not as fancy as his. Or maybe not even close to fancy. It's just affordable enough for Jongin after his parents died and left him not very much. But for Kyungsoo, it's the most goddamned comfortable place. No, not the apartment, but Jongin himself. It's not a place, it's the person. It's Jongin who always made him comfortable, made him somehow feel wanted, made him feel alive and somehow, made him feel like he had a home.

And now he needed that comfort, he simply needed Jongin.

Kyungsoo needed Jongin to say that he wasn't going to marry his sister.

No.

No.

No.

"You are not going to marry my sister you asshole because I love you. I love you and this is the first time I'm saying this to you and this may be the last time if you keep ignoring me. Please Goddamned Kim Jongin I love you and I need you now-" Kyungsoo said, choking on his tears. He got down on his knees while his right hand leaned on Jongin's apartment door to support his weight.