Pretty Sure I'm Dead

Part 2 Chapter 6 A Child's Prayer and Nothing More

    I wrote a poem when I was 14. I never shared it with anyone because I thought it too childish, too personal, and not very optimistic. Reading a lot of young people's poetry on Wattpad, I realize it is not unusual for poets to express less than optimistic feelings.

In retrospect of more than half a century, I know every life has dark scary times. Mine is no exception, but on the whole, I have been very lucky. As my friend Steve says, "When I woke up this morning there was no tag on my toe. So, all is good." A toe tag implying you are dead and in a morgue.

Despite many depressing times, most would consider my life successful. I have had a successful career, several patents and software used extensively by the intelligence community. I only wish my work efforts had contributed more to society.

I am proud of the fact that I think for the most part, everyone I worked with respected me and thought of me as a good guy. My interactions with people are far more important than anything I accomplished as an engineer. When asked what I did for a living, I would often respond that I was an entertainer. As a consultant it was my job to help people make the right choices and more importantly make them think they had figured it out for themselves. I merely provided credentials, knowledge, experience, and encouragement.  

I have always had better friends than I deserved. Throughout my life, they are the ones who have gotten me through hard times. They are the reason I am still an optimist and why I know there really is a lot of good in the world despite so much evidence to the contrary.

On the whole, I have been very lucky. I do wish I had done more or could claim credit for how my life has turned out. I guess the only credit I can claim is for mostly maintaining a positive attitude. Even that has been questionable at times. I can't even take credit for the most important accomplishments in my life. The credit for raising our three kids goes to my wife of forty-nine years. In addition to our own kids, she has always informally adopted our kids' friends and countless others we have picked up over the years. They all call her mom and because she is my wife they call me dad.

In summary, I've had a good life. I've made lots of friends, helped raise a family, traveled the world, climbed mountains, rafted rivers, swam in oceans, hiked extensively and even hang glided. I've seen and experienced more than most. I will now end with that poem I wrote 61 years ago and nothing more.

A Child's Prayer and Nothing More

"O father, has thou given me,

A life in which one canst not see,

The truth by which we live and die,

Or can the whole world be a lie,

And we the puppets on a stage,

The only wise one be the sage,

Who says that life can only be,

That which we can merely see,

And nothing more.

O father, it does seem so queer,

That life should be a thing to fear,

That those that you have brought to earth,

Should have so much to fear at birth,

Or is it made up just of such,

That which we can merely touch,

And nothing more.

In the midday of our life,

Shouldn't we be free of strife,

And shouldn't one be sent to say,

You are free from work today,

Or is life something we should fear,

That which we can merely hear,

And nothing more."