Pretty Sure I'm Dead

Part 2 Chapter 2 Background

   I am a boomer born into an environment that preached Christianity but practiced Darwinism. I'm not complaining about the hypocrisy. No, I'm quite thankful for the balanced although polarized view of the world it gave me. I mention this because it explains some of the major reasons that I am drawn to my beliefs in science and God.

My mother took my sister and me to church every Sunday. I think that is where I learned at least about the concept of love. I remember in Sunday school that at age 5 we were given Bible verses and told to pick our favorite. I chose, "Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." This may have indicated my need for love, but more likely indicates I was as sycophant at an early age. When you are the youngest of seven cousins, you learn to kiss up real young, especially to the most powerful one in the room. Clearly, that was God. To the child I was, he represented the security and love I may have felt was missing. I think this was the root and beginnings of my relationship with God.

Displays of affection were not at all common in the world I grew up in. The only people I remember hugging me were my mother and my great aunt and those occasions were rare enough that I still remember and cherish them. Ironically, my great aunt was a well-loved science teacher who is probably responsible for my love of science.

Much more common in my youth than displays of affection were criticism, derogatory teasing, by family, friends and just about everyone. It was what today would be considered a vicious and hostile environment in which to raise a child. It really wasn't. Everyone back then was raised that way. People believed in toughening each other up. Darwinian survival depended upon it. The parents back then had survived the Great Depression and won a horrendous world war. Is it any wonder they thought the way they did?

I'm really not complaining. This upbringing made dealing with the hardships of life much easier. It lowered my expectations of what to expect from the world. I found boot camp a cakewalk by comparison to my childhood. I worry about how much the coddling philosophy of today's parenting may be damaging current generations. But that is not what this essay is about.

I admit I probably could have used a little more love in my childhood. It was probably there, but like I said, people didn't show it. It was called tough love.

I have always prayed not because I believed in the power of prayer or because I was foolish enough to think an omniscient and omnipotent force would have the slightest interest in my thoughts, wishes, or my faithfulness. I prayed because in a world so devoid of love, it was comforting to believe and confide in a God who was not only all powerful but also benevolent and the very essence of love. Imagine how amazed I was to learn God actually listened and answered my prayers.

What I prayed for was to find wisdom, to find love, and to become worthy of both. Be careful what you pray for. Intelligence can be just as much a curse as a blessing and love is not without pain. There are always unintended consequences.

At one point, I even prayed for God to make everyone happier. He answered that prayer. Unfortunately, what I observed was obesity increasing and intelligence declining as the world became fat, dumb and happier. I prayed for God to ignore my prayer to make people happier and for "thy will be done." I mainly stick to The Lord's Prayer now.