I'm fine

Please

Olivia's POV:

I knew there was something wrong with Amanda, she hasn't been herself the last few weeks, she's the youngest of the squad, she hasn't been her preppy self.

I could tell the way she has been there is something wrong, but she won't talk about it, when she came out of the bunks I could tell she was upset.

"Amanda are you ok?" I asked

"Just peachy" she growled walking out of the precinct

I sighed and sat back down at my desk "what do you think is wrong with Amanda?" Nick asked worried

"I don't know but she will talk when she wants too" I said

He sighed and sat down at his desk, I knew he was hurt by it, Nick wanted to save everyone if he could, he's just that kind of guy.

"Do you think nates hurting her?" Nick asked

"I think she would tell us if he was" He shrugged and looked back down at his desk

Amanda's POV:

I had to get out, I couldn't stand being there anymore, everyone asking me if I'm ok. I just wanted to tell them, but Nate would kill me if I did, every time I walk in they ask me I hate being treated like a victim.

I walked back into the squad room, all eyes turned on me, I sighed and sat down at my desk "Rollins in my office" cragen said

I sighed standing up knowing that he was going to ask me what the rest of the squad asked me everyday "are you ok? You haven't been yourself lately?" He asked

"I'm fine captain, really" I smiled

He nodded and I walked out of his office, thanking that that's all he wanted to ask. I just had to push through the rest of the day.

I looked at my phone 9pm, I realized I should get home before Nate beats me for being late, I panicked and quickly got all my stuff together.

"Woah Amanda are you ok?" Fin asked

"Yah fine I'm just running late for something, I gotta go" I quickly said running out before getting asked anymore questions

I got into the car and drove to my apartment, I rushed inside, sighing to see Nate wasn't anywhere in sight, I sat down on my couch petting Frannie.

"Where have you been?" Nick growled holding a beer bottle

"Um- I just got home, I didn't know you were here"

"You were supposed to be home 30 minutes ago, you have been a bad girl"

He hit me on the head with his beer bottle, I screamed the glass went everywhere. The room started to spin, I felt my head and saw it bleeding.

"Get on the bed!" He screamed

I did what he said for he wouldn't hurt me anymore, I was already in pain. "Get on all 4s" he said

I did it and he took off his belt and started to whip me with it, he made me take off my clothes, while he continued whipping me "please Nate stop" I cried

"No whore, this is what happens when you show up late!"

He picked me up and threw me against the wall, I heard my rips and leg crack, my head was still bleeding he started punching me in the stomach "Nate please stop" I cried

But he didn't he continued until he was tired out and then he left, I pulled my knees to my chest and cried for a few minutes.

I finally pulled my self together and stood up, I limped to the bathroom, I looked at all the marks on my body, luckily he didn't touch my face at all this time. This was one of the worst beatings he ever gave me.

I felt the back of my head, and saw it stopped bleeding, I took off the rest of my clothes and I got into the shower, the hot water on my back, it stung with all the scars I had.

I sat down and pulled my knees to my chest again, I started crying some more. I saw my razor, and my body took over, I slit my wrists watching all the blood come out I sat there and cried.

-----------------------------------------

My alarm went off at 6am, I rolled over to turn it off, screaming in pain, I didn't know how I was going to handle all the pain at work today.

I got out of bed very slowly, I limped to the bathroom and washed my face, I changed into my clothes and covered up the areas that you would see the most of.

My apartment was a mess, there was blood, shattered glass everywhere, I cleaned it up, I knew no one would be coming over, but I couldn't stand living like this.

I took some pain killers, and left for work, almost crying every step I had to take, my ribs, leg and head were killing me, due to what happened last night. I don't know how much longer I can handle it.

I walked into work, wait I mean limped into work. I tried my best to not make it seem like I was limping but I was just in so much pain.

I sat down at my desk winching in pain, I hurt to do everything, Nick ran over to me "Amanda what happened are you ok?"

"What do you mean Nick?" I tried to act clueless again

"Did you get any sleep last night, you look really tired, and the way you walked in here it looks like your in pain" the look in his eyes I could tell he was worried why?

But he was right, I was tired I barley got any sleep last night, "I'm fine nick, why are you worrying so much?"

"Because I care about you manda, I don't want to see you hurt" he smiled

God I loved when he called me that, snap out of it, but I do have to admit I loved how he worried about me so much, I have never seen anyone care this much about me.