The Art of Playing Pretend (On Hold)

11. Lizzy

I stared up at the ceiling and felt impervious to my surroundings. I could tell that my room was insanely cold, but at this point, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything, or anyone. I just wanted to lay here forever, staring up at the ceiling, my mind completely blank.

I didn't want to go to school tomorrow. I didn't want to see people. I didn't want to smile, laugh, or move. I just wanted to lay here until the world's end.

I never thought that I would be able to feel the pain that I did my mom's death again. I was so... broken after it happened. I didn't think it was possible that anything could make me feel that way again.

Until yesterday, of course. Knowing that I've lost Danny is like how I lost my mom. He's never going to come back to me. And the worst part is, no matter how hard I try, it just won't work. And I guess that's the worst part about all of this, that our relationship does not have hope anymore.

The past day I've been imagining scenarios of us getting together after all of this craziness and just talking. We would be catching up on our lives since he's stopped talking. We would go to our favorite coffee shop and bakery. We would run around town and discover new places that we've never seen before. We would be us again, but of course, that's just wishful thinking.

I turned on my side and face a picture of me, Violet, Xander, and of course, Danny. We were standing on the Brooklyn Bridge. It was taken last summer, when all of decided to take a spontaneous road trip to New York. That was one of my most favorite memories. Sadly, those won't be coming to me anytime soon.

I heard footsteps outside my door and then a light knock. "Lizzy?" my dad called. "Can I come in?"

We haven't been talking much since I walk in on him. I did apologize for my outburst, and he apologized for not telling me, but we haven't exactly mended our relationship.

"Sure," I croaked.

He walked in cautiously and sat at the foot of the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed. "There's not really much to say. Danny left me, and that's the end of it."

He lightly nodded. He gave me a slight smile and said, "Do you want to go to the Grove and get something to eat from the farmer's market? I know that used to always cheer you up."

I shook my head. I didn't ever want to leave this house ever again. "I just kinda want to be alone."

His face fell and he slowly got up, ready to leave. "Okay, tell me if you need anything." And he walked out.

I sighed and pushed my face into my pillow. Will I ever been able to feel happiness again? Because at the moment, I feel like my world has come to a complete stop. I just want to stay here forever.

Here, I am safe. Here, I can't get hurt from the outside. Here, I am just with me. Here, I am not surrounded by disappointment, hurt, or loss. Here, I am just surrounded by blankets and memories.

But, here it is the past. In here, I have no future. In here, I am bored and wallowing in self pity. In here, I am really doing nothing. In here, I will never get anywhere if I just hide. I must get out of here.

I jumped out of my bed and changed into jeans and a T-shirt. I slipped on my black Doc Martens and ran out the door. I quickly walked down the stairs and ran to the kitchen, which is where I found my dad sipping coffee while on his computer.

"Let's go," I said, feeling myself filled with energy.

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes. "C'mon Dad. Let's go the Grove.