Laugh till You Pee Jokes

100 ways to order a pizza the fun way...

100 ways to order a pizza the fun way...

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that. 

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 

3. Use CB lingo where applicable. 

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." 

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. 

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up. 

8. Answer their questions with questions. 

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition, ask if they have something outlandishly sinful. 

10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT SYSTEM. 

11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time. 

12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD. 

13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out. 

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." 

15. Stutter on the letter "p." 

16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) 

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing. 

18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver. 

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. 

20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If asked "Would you like drinks with that?", panic and become disoriented. 

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings. 

23. Change your accent every three seconds. 

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. 

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?" 

26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't." 

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window." 

28. Rent a pizza. 

29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener. 

30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. 

31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. 

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred." 

33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?" 

34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.