Laugh till You Pee Jokes

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I know the world isn’t going 2 end in 2012 cuz my yogurt expires in 2013!

I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.

Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.

Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like

Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?

I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected “

Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.

decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.

X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.

X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.

What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..

slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.

wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.

X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..

Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.

║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95

Dear Santa, let me explain…

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.

My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.

If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.

Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.

Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.

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