Whenever.
That's the word I've been hearing a lot lately. And I'm sorry.
" whenever you feel alone know I'm here "
" I'm sorry for what happened "
" this should never of happened to you I'm sorry "
" you know where i am if you need me "
Whenever.
You're probably thinking, wondering, what and why ?
My names Lilly, my mum likes to call me Lills... I mean, used to.
I'm 18.
I'm not so tall, but I'm not small.
I have blonde hair.
The picture you have in your head right now, that not me... it's not me anymore.
I'm sure you're thinking of a happy girl ? presented well ? Popular ? Knows how to act ? I've became the total opposite recently.
If you where to see me in the street, I'm sure you'd think nothing of it. How I was acting.
If you where a part of my family, you'd again... Think nothing of it. How I was acting.
I walked down the isle to the front of the seats at the church and I sat and stared slightly to the left of the alter.
" mother " i read.
" Kate " i read.
A lot of people have asked me how I am.
Stupid question.
Other people just smile, a half smile, it looks like they don't put any effort into it anymore.
My dad followed behind me and sat to my left and pulled my hand off my lap and held it.
I looked up at him, to see his face.
His once cheerful happy self had become a sad life lived man with bright red eyes from crying.
I later looked to the right of the alter to see more words for me to read
" daughter " I read
" Samantha " I read
To be honest I didn't want to understand what had happened, I wanted to be a child without a care in the world and get told some kind happy story about how they moved up to live with Angels because they're happier there.
But instead here I sat.
Knowing the harsh truth.
The priest had now took his place at the front of the alter, and started his piece.
I didn't hear any of it.
Through my dads tears and trying to stay strong sniffs.
But mostly through my thoughts.
After what felt like only a few minutes,
My dad came and sat back next to me and I heard my name.
' Lilly ? ' I looked up and seen my dad, the priest and some other people that could make eye contact look at me.
It was my time.
I stood up and walked to the front of the church and took the position that the priest had been in and looked up.
Everyone sat patiently waiting.
Watching me.
Waiting for some amazing memories that I had.
In my mind I sort of new what to say.
I didn't want it to be a goodbye.
I wanted it to be a see you soon.
I opened my mouth for the words to flow out of my mouth... Nothing.
I tried again, but nothing.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Was all that came out and I couldn't take the way people where again stood looking at me, debating wether they should say something, hand me something to stop my tears.
I had to leave.
So I left.
