After beau decided to join us at the bench, Beau and Lucy did a lot of talking, in fact so much talking I literally just sat there and stared into the distance and fell into my own thoughts.
' what do you think ? ' I heard through my thoughts
' Lilly ? ' I heard again and my name made me snap out of it and look at Lucy and her friend
' sorry what ? ' I asked looking at both of them, I have no idea who was talking... Or what they where talking about.
' oh erm ' beau began speaking ' well me and my brothers are having a party on Friday, well tomorrow ? If you and Lucy would like to come you are both totally welcome ' he smiled at me, he had a nice smile ' oh and if you have a boyfriend, he can come too ' he said but not with the same sense of smile.
I giggled I little ' yeh, my boyfriend ' because I have had time to even think about having a boyfriend. ' but erm I don't know ' I replied to him
' about the party ' he asked ' if it's because of people or if there's someone you don't feel comfortable around it's no problem ' he said again smiling.
' she'll think about it ' Lucy chirped in and stood up grabbing my arm and pulling me with her.
' see you tomorrow beau ' she said as she started walking away
' yeh see ya ' he replied.
' Why did you do that ? ' I asked Lucy
' well I didn't want you to explain your whole story to him ' she smiled but looked back down to the ground.
' why not ? ' I asked her
' well they don't know you, they've only just moved here after the accident and well, it could be the beginning of a fresh start for you. ' she said to me.
I thought about it.
Lying about what happened isn't really what she did she's just helping me with how to move on.
' do they know a lot of people ? ' I asked Lucy obviously meaning beau and his brothers. She just shrugged.
I suppose they haven't really been here that long when you think of it. How many friends could they have made within 4 month. It isn't that long.
It isn't that long.
It hasn't been long since the accident and I'm planning to go to a party ?
' I dont think I'll go, I'm sorry Lucy ' I replied and I heard a sigh in her voice.
' come on Lilly, I know all the terrible terrible things that's happened to you in the last year, but please just try, like you tried to today and who knows what till happen ' she said trying to convince me.
' if I go I'll probably drink a lot and you do not want that responsibility ' I tried to laugh but nothing came out
' I'd love the responsibility as long as I could see you smile and be happy just for a little bit again ' Lucy looked at me and smiled a little bit.
The least I could try and then she'd move off my case about but going out side the 4 walls I call my room.
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I eventually got back to my house and Lucy got picked up from outside. I walked into my front door and just stood and looked at the mess that was around me.
How could I ever try and move on with my life if my house can't... If my dad can't.
I walked into the living room and started in there. I started cleaning. Hoovering, polishing, picking up rubbish, recycling. While I was cleaning I felt so much better, like I wasn't doing something to benefit me I was doing something to help benefit the people in my house... I was doing it for my dad.
After a while the front room was clean, the kitchen was clean and the hallways where too, I decided that if I moved up stairs I could start with maybe helping my dads room get back to normal.
I started by picking up all of the dirty clothes. Changing the bedding.
It took a while but once it was done and clean there was nothing but a few stains on the carpet.
After this I felt exhausted.
This is the first time in forever that feels like I've been exhausted because of working and not being exhausted from crying and making myself down about life.
I got changed out of these jeans and shirt that I was wearing and got changed into some clean grey jama bottoms and a pink top.
They don't match.
The top I stole from Samantha ages ago that lead to a whole bitch fight about who is belonged to in the first place.
I miss our pointless angry fights.
-------------------------------------------
' LILLY ' I heard a scream in the morning. I feel like I almost had a heart attack after that. I dove out of my bed with my hand on my head staring at the door to see Lucy ?
' what's wrong ' I asked her
' it's almost 4 and your still asleep ? And your door was open I was excited. Anyway you have to shower or something ? Unless your wearing your hair like that ? ' she said pointing at my hair and laughing a little.
I turned to my right to look at the mirror still on the wall to see my hair upside down, as it has been for the last few weeks.
' if you say so ' I said walking into my bathroom and before I closed the door I heard the question that was just so Lucy.
' what are you wearing ? ' she asked me
' jeans ' I replied to her
' no way ' was the last thing I heard but I ignored it and just got into the shower.
I got out of the shower, feeling more refreshed than usual, I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around me and stepped out of my bathroom into my room to see Lucy on my bed with a dress laid out and she looked oh so excited.
' you're wearing this ' she said throwing it at me.
