Till Now
A bunch of kids, a house and a dog.
Well that was one of our silly dreams together with Jimin.
And everything that goes with it, is what I am trying to leave in the past. Trying.
I sighed on the thought of him again as I carefully place the ordered cake in a matte black box. Very peculiar I suppose, because the order was written and said to be picked up on midnight tonight.
Might be for someone special.
"Well what a lucky person." I whispered, tying the bow for the finishing touch.
I placed my hands on my hips. Finally, I'm done. Gathering all the scraps, I threw it all to the garbage can outside the shop by the backdoor, that leads to an open alley, connecting to the main road.
Jimin used to stand along this alley, with a lighted cigarette, waiting for me.
I really still don't understand what I am feeling right now, from the past few months. Physical happiness, scripted laughs, everything seems so fake since he was gone.
"Why am I like this?" I said to myself, wiping the formed tears in my eyes.
I went back inside and took my apron off then sat on the stainless table, waiting for the person who ordered the cake .
"isa gaja
jeongdeureossdeon igosgwaneun annyeong
isa gaja
ijeneun deo nopeun goseuro
teong bin bangeseo majimak jimeul deulgo nagaryeodaga
jamsi dorabonda
ulgo usdeon sigandeura
ijen annyeong"
"I never thought you could sing that well."
I almost fell from where I was, and my heart felt like its on my throat or something, but I closed my eyes hoping that I'm just hallucinating.
This is really bad.
That voice, I can never be wrong.
Jimin.
"Cat got your tongue?"
I heard footsteps from behind me.
"What are you doing here?"
He chuckled. "Don't you want to see me? From what I heard, you're still not over me, is that correct?"
My tears were falling but I smirked. "Son of a bitch." I whispered under my breath.
"I came here to pick up my order by the way. Thanks a lot for the effort."
"Get it, leave the cash and get out." I said, I'm shaking but I tried hard to pull my shit together.
I don't know why, but I feel weak and helpless just with his presence. I'm trying hard to be over him, to convince myself I don't love him anymore. But why is this happening to me. What I must do, is to avoid looking at him, or else I'll loose my senses.
I don't want to see the same eyes I fell in love with. I'm weak.
"Please leave fast, my shop is closing."
Why am I not mad at him? I should be because he left. He left without a reason, without a trace, without anything. Why do I feel like hugging him?
I can still feel his presence behind me.
Soon enough, his hands were wrapped around me.
And that's when, I bursted into tears.
"Why are you doing this?" I said between my sobs. "Please..stop."
"Ami.."
"I was stupid all the time Jimin, aren't I? Too stupid to hope you'll come back soon until months already passed. You think now, when you comeback, I'll welcome you with open arms? Forgive you and pretend like nothing happened? That bullshit Jimin! Bullshit!"
Everything that came out of my mouth were all lies. I was dying inside, I can't hardly breathe right now, with his hands wrapped around me.
And then there goes my tears.
"No Ami..I wasn't expecting that. Maybe I did but now, no. I'm not here to ask forgiveness Ami."
"Then why did you come?"
I feel like dying again. I know I'm not whole anymore, I'm half alive to be exact. Just trying to survive everyday, struggling harder than the day before.
"Because..I need you Ami."
