"I'm going to miss you so much, Tay." Karlie hugged me. I was going on my world tour after months of planning. It had been almost a year since Adam and I broke up. I had been busy though. Focusing on work to not think about him. It worked, during the day but I wrote songs about him during the night and other times of the day too. It was my way of processing things I guess. I had asked everyone not to talk about him around me. It somehow made things easier to not hear his name everywhere but there were accidents. There were times when his mom called me, when she wanted to know how things were going with us and I had to tell her the whole story making everything hurt again. There were times when someone accidentally blurted out his name. I saw him once or twice during the whole year. I started avoiding places he went like his gym and his favorite breakfast place, his favorite bar, even the nearest whole foods. He always did have an obsession with whole foods. But then again there weren't many times to see him since I was so busy with rehearsals and everything. It became easier to live with it but I still kept things from him, like one of shirts buried in the depths of my closet and a box of Polaroids and other photos of us, a usb with videos was on that box too, presents he gave me. I didn't dare to open it. It was the kind of box you would keep in your attic or your basement. A box that I would open years from now, when I decide I need to get rid of old stuff and remember all the memories of the man who I loved the most most. My high school best friend, my lover, the one I would always love.
I didn't want anyone else if I couldn't have him so I swore off dating, there would be no one for me who would mean as much as he did, as he does. And even if I did, he would still be on my mind. He was always on my mind no matter how hard I try to forget.
"I'll miss you too. But you can come visit, just give me a call and I'll work it out." I smiled at her before giving Josh a hug. "Well I need to go." I looked behind me to the gates. "I love you guys."
"Good luck and have fun!" Karlie yelled as I walked away from them.
I lost him. I didn't know if I lost him forever but even though I didn't let anyone know, it was killing me. It was killing me to not wake up next to him, to not have him cooking breakfast in the morning, it was killing me to not have his eyes look into mine, to not have his lips on mine, to not have his touch. I wanted to tell him I loved him, that I wanted him for the rest of my life, that I wanted him to keep his promise. But what was killing me was that I couldn't because he decided to end it. I had heard things around though. I had heard conversations between Karlie and Josh and Charlie and Burns about how he sometimes drove by my apartment. I had seen the headlights too. It felt nice for some reason to have him watch over me in a way. I wished he would come back but he decided this. All he had to do was stay but I guess he couldn't handle the heat. Maybe someday we'll be together but for now I'll go sing for the world and be the superstar he wanted me to be.
"Hello, hi I'm Ellie." A blonde girl introduced herself next to me. "Ellie Goulding. You're Taylor Swift, right?You've been everywhere lately."
"Yeah that's me and I've heard of you. I love your songs." I smiled at the girl.
"Thank you. I love yours. You're going to LA too?" She questioned.
"Yes, I have the first show of my tour there." I told her and she nodded.
"That's fab. Congratulations." She grinned at me. "And I guess I'll be your seat partner for this flight, huh?"
"I guess so." I laughed and looked out the window. I was glad I was leaving New York behind for a while, maybe it's time for a fresh start, maybe I'll actually forget about him although I highly doubt it. But for now, I would sing my songs and I would work hard to make my fans happy, after all I really did love them. And who knows, maybe losing him will make me see things differently. Not everything can stay the same.
