Merlin Headcanons

Inside Out

I do not own Inside Out. For those who haven't watched: Gold equals joy, purple is fear, green is disgust, sadness is blue, and anger is red.

. . . . .

Merlin's earliest core memories were gold tinged with purple. The first time he used magic intentionally - quickly followed by his mother's horrified gasp as she scooped him up and warned him how dangerous it was.

Magic Island was formed. It was an explosive festival haunted by bounty hunters and with trapdoors that opened onto bonfires.

His mother kissed his face after rubbing salve on the bruises he'd gotten from fighting the other boys. She gave him a handful of berries as reward for not using his magic and answered his questions about his father with nothing but a sad smile and teary eyes.

Family Island was formed. It wasn't quite complete, but it was strong.

Merlin saw his first execution. A vivid purple ball swirled with blue was added to his core memories. Anger didn't come till later.

Merlin met Arthur and the dragon in quick succession. Destiny Island was formed. It's shape and strength shifted quite a bit as the years passed.

Around him, other people's lives were shifting too. Gaius finally allowed someone other than fear to take the controls. Arthur formed Friendship Island for the first time, even if it was rather shaky. Then his and Gwen's relationship took off and Romance Island formed, glowing and golden, even if it was a bit purple around the edges.

Gwaine's Islands had stronger bonds than ever before. Friendship Island blossomed, and the rowdy Whatever-It-Takes-to-Forget Island slowly declined.

Magic Island appeared in Morgana in the flash of a candle flame and slowly grew until it consumed everything else. Family and Friendship grew shakier and shakier until they collapsed altogether. Sadness, Disgust, and Anger pushed Joy out and tried to ignore Fear with little success. Sadness was eventually banished as well. By the end, Anger had matured into Rage, and there wasn't room for anything else.

Uther, an unstable blend of Fear, Sadness, and Anger, could have sympathized.

Merlin, once well balanced, started shaking. Joy took the controls less and less frequently. Fear and Anger duked it out instead while Sadness quietly grew in the background.

Core memory added. Arthur is dead.

Does not compute.

Core memory added. Arthur is dead.

Destiny Island started shaking.

Sadness calmly took over the controls. Joy confined himself to a circle on the floor.

The bounty hunters and bonfires disappeared from Magic Island, but that didn't stop the festival from growing an edge of hysteria and desperation to its cheer.

Core memory added. Gwaine is dead.

Core memory added. Gaius is dead.

Core memory added. Hunith is dead.

Core memory added. Everyone I knew at Camelot is dead.

Camelot is dead. Destroyed. Gone.

Sadness put in an order for an upgrade to Despair.

Joy snuck out to the Dream Factory and demanded some good dreams before Merlin went mad. The upgrade to Despair was temporarily postponed. Everyone was relieved.

Two hundred years later, it showed up unasked for and was duly installed.

Two hundred years after that, Destiny Island lit up like a beacon.

Core memory added: Arthur is back. Guinevere is back. Everyone is back!

Despair gratefully handed the controls over to Joy and went to take a nice long nap.