Dear You,
Right now your mom wants you to get an emancipation. I don't. You aren't motivated enough to live. How can you move out, work, go to school and still go to church all by yourself? I know it's possible, but I want more for you. You want to be a car mechanic or a psychologist. You have dreams and wants. You are so stressed and it kills me. My mom doesn't want you to work either.
She wants you to see about living with your uncle and if you can't she wants to take you in. She needs the check and if your mom doesn't give it to her she's going to go to court to become your legal guardian.
I love you and I want what best for you and I think living with a loving family like mine would be the best. You deserve a good family more than me. If it comes down to it I'll go live with my grandma so you can live at my house or I'll get a job to help pay for you.
Trying to avoid jobs, though....
Right now I'm staying at my aunts with the man that molested a few children. I'm with my grandma and I'll be in the same room with her and my sister, but he still makes me feel uncomfortable.
I wish you were here to hold me and make me feel protected. Maybe I'm just looking for reasons to want you here, but I know if you were it would be ten thousand times more fun.
Sometimes I wrap my blanket around me and wonder what it would be like to have your arms around me instead. To feel your warmth and know that nothing can hurt me at all, because you'd be there protecting me. To fall asleep to the rhythm of your breathing and let you whisper that you love me in my ear.
Maybe I've thought about it too much or maybe it's normal. All I'd do is sleep, but it seems so much more important than anything else we could do. Other than marriage and a life together. Itimately, I mean.
One day, I hope I can wear the ring you put on my finger. You've been so kind and loving. You've had your days where you're just so stressed and tired and unhappy you didn't know what to think or say, and I know you'll find happiness, but you love me and I know it.
I promise I love you too. Every time I know I'm going to see you I get butterflies and either get excited or nervous or both. You make my heart flutter and stop all the time. You make my heart warm every time you tell me I'm beautiful or that you love me.
You are well worth every tear I cried to get here. Every night I didn't kill myself. Every breath I didn't want. Every smile I faked. Every heartbreak. Every choke and bully I had to endure to get here. Every cheating liar. Every time I thought my heart would give up while I slept. Every time I prayed for escape. Every funeral I attended that I wished was mine.
You were worth every bit of the pain. If I didn't know pain I wouldn't be able to help you now, so I thank God for my pain. I thank God for my abusive, friendless, heartbroken, abandoned, suicidal past. I thank God for the experience I have now and all the ways I can help you. Now I know what to say, because there was a lot that I needed someone to say that no one ever said. Now I know when someone is going to cry or the art of a fake smile. Now I know better how to help you. I am so thankful for it all, because you are worth so much more.
You are everything I prayed for on those horrid and lonely nights. You are my hero. You are the every dream I had. You are every hope I managed to hang onto. You are every wish I gave to a shooting star or 11:11. You are the answer to every prayer that sent on the wings of angels.
I am so in love with you and I promise, YOU ARE WANTED!
~Me
