East Of Eden

Chapter 20

Authors Note: We only have 3 more chapters! 😫 I'm so happy and excited to see how everything turns out, but sad to see the first book coming to an end!

I open my eyes and they go straight to the window. The curtains aren't blocking them and the sun is blazing inside. I have my arms wrapped around him. His warmth is heavenly, I look up to him and Nathan is awake looking at into my my eyes. He smiles at me and the sun shines on his beautiful face. I smile back at him a hold onto Nathan tighter.

I wake up and it's fairly dim. I look up and Kaleb is asleep. The sun is trying to escape through the heavy drapes. My eyes instantly water and I can't help but let disappointment seek into me. I dreamt of Nathan. I actually dreamt of Nathan laying next to me, in bed. I breath slowly and heavily. I feel like my heart has been ripped open like a fresh scab. Oh my God. I still have deep feelings for Nathan and I only have a week left until I'm bound to see him again. I feel myself crawl out of my skin. I just want to stay in Hamdem and be with Nathan. Dammit! I mean Kaleb. I do love Kaleb. I am so in love with him.

My head is swarming with thoughts and feelings and they're clashing with each other. I need to get some air. I gently untangle my self from a sleeping Kaleb and leave the bedroom. I pad down the stairs slowly and quietly and slip my sandals at the front door and walk onto the porch and let the fresh air run into my lungs. I wrap my slick robe around my body from the chilly summer morning. I pace back and forth and try to clear my head. I watch my feet walk the wooden floors and my head jerks up when I realize I should just go down to the waterfall. I hastily walk to the waterfall. The sooner I clear my mind the better.

If I do something to fuck up anything with anyone, it'll ruin everything. Once I reach the waterfall I slither in my legs and sit at the bank of the stream. "Think, Holly, think." I whisper to myself. I rub my hands over my thighs continuously to calm myself. "Shhhhh." I tell myself.

Nathan. Nathan Vanderwaal is an asshole who left me for another girl. He knew I was in those stands and he knew that he would get a reaction out of me. I roll my head and force my eyes closed to prevent myself from crying. He left me and he walked away from me. Why do I even love someone who did that to me? Do I love him? Am I still in love with Nathan? I honestly don't even know. I know there is still unresolved feelings, but I don't know if I still love him. I hear clenches of fresh grass behind me and turn my head to see Kaleb walking to me. He reaches me and looks down, "Thought I'd find you here." I weakly smile at him. "You found me." I say and my stern tone is hard to mask. "What's wrong?" He asks. I get up and stand my self next to him. I don't look at him, but keep my eyes locked on the waterfall. "I need to go back." I simply state. "What?" His head snaps to me. "Back...home." "Wh-why-what?" He stammers over his words. "I never told you, but my parents want me to come back on May 29th." I reveal. "You're parents know?!" He asks. "Yeah they found out a couple months ago. They said they'd let me go in peace if I came back when they wanted and I promised them." I explain. "But that's not for another 6 days!" He try's to protest. "Yeah I know, but I probably won't leave till tomorrow and get there till the afternoon on Monday." I say. "I need to go back." I add and grab his hands into mine. "No, just stay. I'll take a week off of work and we'll go together." He presents. I would want him to come, but the only way to get these feelings for Nathan set and stone is if I go alone. I need no distractions. "Kaleb, as much as I would love if you came with me... I just don't think that it's the right time. I need to deal with...things, my parents, my cousin, my friends." "Nathan?" He interrupts. I feel the blood drain from my veins. "No." I lie. I feel so  bad not telling him the truth, but if he knew that I was going just because Nathan then he won't let me leave. "I don't plan on seeing him, okay? And if I do, then I'll tell him how incredibly in love I am...with you." I smile at him as I caress his cheek. He grins back at me and just nods his head. "

"Do me a favor?" I say. "Course." He softly responds. "If I'm not back in two weeks, come get me." I state. "I'll go get you." He says. He leans his head down a places a kind kiss on my lips. 

We back to the house with our hands intertwined. "Let's just stay together for the rest of the day?" He begs. "Please." I giggle. "I love you." I tell him and mean it. "I love you too." He responds. "We're in love." I lighten up the mood. "Yes we are." He kisses my hand. Reminds me of...Nathan. I need to stop doing that. I don't need to do that. Compare him to Nathan. They're both completely different people. One of them I'm in love with and the other, I have no idea what I feel for him.