Since I Saw Him Last: A Gary Barlow Fanfic

Chapter Forty One

I opened my eyes to see an empty space in the bed next to me. I rolled over to the middle of the bed and wondered when I'd taken off my dress. Gary must've taken it off for me. I felt so exhausted from last night. I remembered the words I uttered to Gary, I felt broken-hearted. I'd stopped talking when I saw a tear drop from Gary's cheek. I knew how difficult it was for him to show any kind of raw emotion. I'd moved Gary in some way and I wanted to hold onto that. Progress. He's opening up. As soon as I'd seen him as upset as he was, I moved closer to hold him tight. I couldn't remember anything after that, I must've fallen asleep in his arms.

I guess I should get up. I looked at the time, 7.30am. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I stopped in front of the mirror to see how much of a state I looked. My skin was flawless, Gary must've removed my make up! I smiled at the thought of Gary taking care of me whilst I slept soundly. I walked back into the bedroom and grabbed an old shirt from Gary's extensive clothing collection. I put my hand to my forehead and pressed down hard to remove some of the tension. I need to get some pills. My head is still pounding. I walked through the living room and into the kitchen. I poured myself a large glass of water and fetched two headache pills from one of the kitchen cupboards. I took both pills before downing the glass of water in one go. So terribly thirsty. I poured myself another glass before walking out of the kitchen. What was that noise? I heard a few notes of Gary's piano being played, then it stopped. I wonder why he's only playing a few notes at a time? I walked slowly down the corridor towards Gary's piano room, I heard a couple more notes being played again. And then silence. I peered my head around the door. The door creaked, Gary sat up a little and slowly turned to look at me. He searched my face in a haughty way. He licked his bottom lip and turned back to face the piano. Gary started penciling something on a piece of paper. I walked over and placed the glass of water on top of the piano. "No, don't put it there. Coasters are over there in the corner. Use one." Gary didn't look up at me as he said this, his face was rigid. He focused on the piece of paper in front of him. I was startled at how blunt he sounded. I didn't have a witty comeback ready for him. Grumpy Gary is back again. I didn't want to upset him anymore than I had done so I did what he said. I grabbed the coaster and placed my drink on top of the piano. Gary still didn't look up at me. Is Gary furious with me? He played a few more notes. He tapped the pencil on the side of his head, he played the same notes again with a few more added on at the end and then wrote something down. Is he going to keep ignoring me? "Gary, are you working on some new material?" I asked him timidly. Gary waited a few seconds before answering, "Mmm, yeah. I am." Oh, this is not good. I took a sip of my water and placed it back on the coaster. "Gary, can you look at me when you talk to me please?" Gary pursed his lips, closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. He cleared his throat and looked up with an icy glare. I bit my bottom lip to stop me from getting teary again. I've ruined it, I've ruined any chance that I had with him. I was devastated. "Okay, I get the hint. I'll go." He reached out his hand and grabbed me by the wrist as I walked past. "No." He said in a gruff voice. A few moments passed before he lifted his head up to look at me. His eyes were a pool of green, twinkling from the bright lights in his piano room. "Don't go." Gary exhaled heavily again. He pulled me closer to him and motioned for me to sit on his lap. As soon as I sat down he wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. I looked down to see his eyes closed. We sat there for about five minutes, "Gary, are you okay? I really want to apologise for some of the things I said. I was upset and I shouldn't have..." Gary put his finger to my lips, "No, stop. You've done enough explaining. You didn't speak out of turn last night. I was the problem." He looked into my eyes with an intense stare. "It pained me to see you so upset. And to know that it was me that caused it. For that, I'm sorry." His apology was earnest. I rested my forehead against his. "Natasha, I know you said we should take a break from this. But I don't want to." Gary licked his lips slowly, "I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be. You shouldn't put up with my crap, I know. But I haven't been in love for a very long time. This is alien to me." I wrapped my arms around his neck, "Gary, love isn't easy. It takes a lot of work, we'll run into problems. I don't want to walk away from you. I want you. All of you. All your perfections and imperfections. But you have to allow yourself to feel and be able to communicate it. You don't need to be afraid, I won't be walking away from you if we suddenly come across an obstacle." Gary sighed, "I know. I have so much to learn. I feel emotionally stunted. I've been carrying the burden of my past for so long and I've finally found the person who can take that away." I started to stroke his face gently, "You say that but you're ridding it and passing that burden on to me. If you truly love someone then you have to be able to love without expecting anything in return, you can't control how the other person acts or feels. We should be able to give each other the freedom to be who we are." Gary looked up at me with those glistening green eyes of his. I started stroking the back of his neck. "I know it's taking me a while to catch up with your maturity. I know I need to be more trusting and I know I need to open up. I promise I'll try harder." He paused for a moment to clear his throat, "I knew from the moment I met you that I had to have you. I tried not to come on too strong, I didn't want to scare you by my intensity but I knew that once I had you, I could never be parted from you. I am hooked, your touch, your taste, the way you love me even though I don't deserve it. You make me want to be a better person than I am. I have waited so many lonely years for someone like you and I don't plan on throwing you away. I adore you, every part of you." I bit my bottom lip. I didn't want to start crying again, but this time, it would be tears of happiness. I gave Gary a long peck on the lips. "Come sit next to me here." Gary said as he unwound himself from my body. I jumped from his lap to sit next to him on the piano stool. "I'm going to play you something. I didn't understand the full effect of the lyrics I wrote until now." He looked sideways waiting for my reaction and smiled his famous crooked smile. My heart started to race, I could already feel my body melting. I wonder what he's going to sing to me? Gary's singing of the first line was quiet yet melodic, "I kind of keep asking myself little questions, like where do I go from here." I sat still, taking in every line that he sung, trying to link it to our relationship. It was clear Gary wrote Holding Back The Tears about the girl who broke his heart but the fact that Gary had found new meaning in the lyrics, coupled with our discussion just moments before, confirmed to me that he couldn't imagine a life without me. He was expressing his wish for me to give him everything that his ex-girlfriend couldn't give him. The most compelling thing about this was that he truly believed I could give him it. It felt like Gary was exorcising all the pain and heartbreak that was holding him back from finding happiness, from having a future with me. This links with the lyric: "it's a war between the present and the past." Gary never failed to move me with his songs, the way he sung with so much emotion overwhelmed me. Gary sang the last few lines quietly: "No, I'm not holding back the tears anymore. Yesterday's my memory, reminding me of all the times that I depended on you."

Gary's singing lingered on the last few notes of the song. I could sense the anguish he was trying to expel. Gary stopped singing and stopped playing but his long, slender fingers still hovered over the keys. It took him some time to bring himself back into the room. "Maybe you can understand me a little bit better from that," he suggested. He placed his hands in his lap and glanced sideways. I nodded back at him. We both pondered for a moment. I knew that song inside out, it was one of his most tragic and heartfelt of songs. I appreciated that he could share it with me. Gary lifted his hand and placed it on my knee. He knew I understood him, not the famous person he was, but the essence of him. I wanted him to fill me up with his emotion, emotion that was so lacking last night. I broke our silence with a practical yet foolish question, "I thought you had rehearsals today?" As soon as I said it, I wished to eat my words. Gary's laying bare with his feelings and I'm asking him about rehearsals? Gary shrugged his shoulders, "I should be going, yes. But I can call in sick?" I was alarmed, "Gary, no. You have to go. I said I wanted you to give me the freedom to be who I am, it works both ways. I will never come between you and the band, the band is what brought me to you." Gary chuckled, "You can remove that look of horror from your face. You are my priority. I want to give you all the love and attention you deserve, especially after last night." Gary placed his hand on the back of my neck and pulled my head closer to his. He gave me soft pecks on my forehead, my eyes, my cheeks and then my lips. His lips were full and smooth. He grabbed my head with both hands and started kissing me a little faster. "Mmm. Gary, stop. What time do you have to go?" His eyebrows lifted and a cheeky smile spread across his face, "We have time." He held out his hand for me to hold and motioned for me to get up from the stool. He spun me around with my back towards the piano and pushed me on top of the keys, it made a dreadful rumbling sound, "Gary, I don't want to ruin your piano!" He looked at me playfully. He grabbed my head again but kissed me fiercely this time. He lifted me up on top of the piano, he kissed my legs all the way up to my private area. He did the same again but this time with small, random nips at my inner thigh. He stared up at me with fire in his eyes. He pulled down my panties and gave me one thick, long lick over my clit. I flung my head back with delight. "I've missed that tongue of yours." I could feel the vibrations down below as he laughed. Gary sat up a little, held up two fingers and inserted them in my mouth. "Do your best." He commanded. I twirled my tongue around his fingers and then submerged them in my wet mouth. "Mmm." He murmured. He ran his fingers over my clit gently. My body quivered, I was so sensitive. Gary carefully inserted his fingers into me, he pulled in and out in a slow motion. I could feel my muscles tense. He ran his other hand underneath his shirt I was wearing and started pinching at my nipples. He started with soft quick licks against my clit whilst his fingers moved more rhythmically. I could feel my body start to shake, my breathing getting heavier until Gary stopped. What is Gary doing! He lifted himself up from his crouched position. He quickly took of his top and his shorts. Oh, commando again. I tried to peer over to see. And there it was, the finest cock I'd ever had in me, in all its glory. Gary lifted me off the piano, "Wrap your legs around me." He carried me over to the far wall and slammed my back against it. "Ah!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and clawed his back. He moved his hands to my behind to hold me up and inserted his full length into me, "Ah! Gary!" Gary's face tensed as he used all his strength to hold me in place and thrust upwards. His thrusts were quick yet deep. I was waiting for him to gain momentum. I tried to wrap my legs even tighter around his waist and my nails dug even deeper into his back. I could see him cower a little but he powered on. He tilted my torso a little so my head was resting against the wall and crouched his legs a little. His thrusts gathered some rhythm. His cock was getting harder still with each deep, long thrust into my wetness. My head was banging against the wall as his thrusts became stronger and faster. I started biting at his neck to steady my breathing. "Come on Natasha. Do you not like the way I fuck you?" Gary said in a low voice. I pulled away from his neck and looked into Gary's eyes, seeing Gary so primal threw me over the edge. I convulsed as a surge of sexual tension rushed through my body, my moan was the deepest it had ever been. Gary growled his usual growl, his face still tense. He used all his strength to penetrate me and eventually came to a halt. Gary straightened up his legs and leant me against the wall again. "I don't think we've breathed this much before." I said. "Yeah, I know. A workout, that was. You can put your legs down now." My legs were aching, Gary's would be in a much worse state. "Good exercise for the tour." I winked at him. My feet were on the ground now. Gary pushed his body up against me. He stared at me but with a warmth in his eyes and whispered, "I love you." I kissed him quickly on the lips and hugged him. If only Gary could see my face, he'd never have seen a grin so wide.