Since I Saw Him Last: A Gary Barlow Fanfic

Chapter Twenty Four

Howard and I stood in silence for a few moments. I felt a slight awkwardness being in Howard's presence. Does that mean he fancies me too? I wanted someone to come outside and interrupt us so we'd have excuses to go back to the party. Howard broke the silence, "Tash, it doesn't need to be weird. Yes, you're an attractive woman. I know how much you mean to Gary and even for a quick night of lust, I would never go there. Gaz is like one of my brothers and I won't be making the same mistake again. I think you're cool and with the rest of the band pairing up with your friends, I think we'll all make a good gang." I laughed, "Gang? That sounds a bit cheesy Howard. But I know what you mean." We laughed together. We were both drawn to the balcony door opening up, Gary was walking through. "Hey Dougie." He smiled warmly at Howard, "Have you seen Natasha?" Howard nodded in my direction. Gary's smile dropped slightly as he glanced at me. He looked back at Howard, "You cracking onto my bird Doug?" By this point I was still smoking, Howard and I had been chain smoking outside for the duration of our talk. Gary looked down at my hand, "I didn't know you smoked." He raised his eyebrow a little. "Only socially, when I've had a bit to drink." "Right." Gary looked back at Howard, "What have you been chatting about out here?" "Not much Gaz, just asking Tash about her version of events." Howard smiled and winked at me. "Anyway, I'm going in. I'll leave you to it." Howard picked up his drink and walked inside. "What was that about?" "What do you mean Gary?" "I mean, what were you talking about?" He asked sternly. "Gary, why are you being like this?" I smoked a drag of my cigarette. "Like what?" "What the hell do you mean by 'cracking onto my bird'? You sound so possessive." "I'm not, I'm just asking what you guys were talking about." "We were chatting, just like you were chatting to everyone else in there. I'm not questioning you though am I?" Gary was frustrating me, I wish he could just say whatever it was that was on his mind. What exactly is he accusing Howard of doing? And is he including me in that too? "Gary, I'm not talking to you like this. We're only going to upset each other. I'm going in to mingle and when you're ready to tell me what it is you think we were talking about behind your back then I'll be ready to talk to you." I stumped out my cigarette on the ashtray resting on the window ledge. I looked at Gary and saw him staring back at me stunned, I suppose he didn't think I'd have the courage to speak to him like that. Now it's Gary's turn to see the different sides to me.

I walked inside and rushed to the bathroom, I heard someone behind me "Tash!" It was Charlotte, she followed me into the bathroom and locked the door behind us. "What's up? I've been keeping the eye on the door to the balcony ever since I saw Gary walk out. He's been asking for you." Charlotte put her arm around me as I sat on the edge of Mark's bath with my head in my hands. "He's frustrating me Charlie. He's a sexy mofo but he's winding me up. I've noticed Gary being weird around Howard and I asked Howard outright about it. Howard told me I wasn't being crazy and imagining it. Gary is being a bit weird with him. He told me exactly why. Then Gary comes out and starts accusing us of, I don't even know what, acting all possessive." I growled. "Calm down Tash." She said as she rubbed my back. "I just wish he'd open up to me. He's been so loving and affectionate but I know nothing about his past. Why the possessiveness all of a sudden? I'd be able to handle it if he told me why he's like that." "Do you have any inkling?" Charlotte asked. "Howard told me why. Please don't tell the girls, Gary doesn't even know that I know. He's a proud person so I don't think he wants many people to know." I pleaded with Charlotte. "Of course not hun. Pinky promise." "Gary was with some girl way back when, totally in love with her, and then she cheated on him with Howard." I looked at Charlotte to see her mouth fall open, "No fucking way!" "Obviously they've sorted it out and are back to normal, it happened years ago but Gary's started acting weird again with him." "Does he not trust you?" "Partly that and partly, he doesn't trust Howard. Apparently this girl is like my twin." "Oh, so that's why it's pretty raw for Gary. It's bringing it all back, especially when Howard's singling you out." "No he isn't." "Yeah, he kinda is. Gary hadn't arrived yet so didn't witness it but the girls and I looked at each other when Howard said 'Tash is a beautiful girl so you can see why'. He didn't need to say it. I'm just glad Gary wasn't in the room." "For fuck's sake!" I felt so angry, if Gary could show me a little more vulnerability then I'd be able to understand him better, I could avoid situations like this. Howard shouldn't feel like he needs to censor everything he says in case Gary throws a strop. But what hurt most was that Gary didn't trust me. For one, he didn't trust me around Howard. Secondly, he didn't trust me with his heart. How could he ever think that I would break it? I was in love with him before he even knew I existed. I didn't want to be the one to pour out my feelings first, especially when he was being so closed off with his. But I knew I had to do something, I had to start edging out of my comfort zone. Gary was worth the risk. "Look, Tash. I do think you need to have a word with him but there's a party going on out there with another four Take That members. Spruce yourself up and lets go dance. I'll persuade Mark to put Take That songs on for us." I cracked up, "No, Charlie! We can't, it'll be embarrassing!" Charlotte started giggling, "I will put it on and get the girls to join me if you don't come out now! Forget about Gary, he'll soon calm down and talk to you. Just don't let it ruin the night that's already happening out there." She pulled me up from the bath and pushed me over to the mirror, "See, you look beautiful. Put a smile on that gorgeous face of yours and lets get moving!"